How to Love a Templar
by cocobutter121
Summary: Cullen goes to Kirkwall to escape the shadows that haunt him in the Ferelden Cirlce. When he meets Hawke and joins her companions he finds himself falling falling for an Amell all over again. Cullen/Hawke Hawke is a little softer than she is on the game.
1. Chapter 1

Silence, how beautiful it was to hear nothing. But Cullen knew that it was a false comfort. Silence, ruind by knowledge. The Knowledge that the screming would start anew. As if his thoughts had summoned it, the air was ripped apart by the agony of them. Silence, shattered by death.

Cullen woke, his throat raw from the screams that stil haunted his nightmares. He peeled the bed covers from his sweat soaked skin. It had been months since Kalian Amell had returned to the Circle of Magi. She came seeking aid against the impending Blight, only to find her home destroyed from the inside by demons and blood magic. She swept through and against Cullen's adamant pleas, saved the mages that had resisted Uldred's corruption. Cullen had been a a prisoner and watched as some of his comrades fell prey to the demons and others took their own lives, seeking freedom. He was the only one who survived, but at what cost?

* * *

><p>"Ser Cullen?" The Templar shook himself awake. " You were lashing out in your prayer, so I thought I would wake you up," a Revered Mother of the Circle's Chantry smiled down at him. The knights face flushed with embarrassment and shame. The Priest placed a finger on his lips before he could explain himself. "Blessed are they who stand before the corrupt and the wicked, and do not falter. Blessed are the peacekeepers, the champions of the just."<p>

* * *

><p>Silence, screams, temptaions.<p>

Cullen woke, soaked from sweat and cold from fear. He felt as if he were slowly losing his grip on sanity.

* * *

><p>"Ser Cullen," Knight-Commander Greagoir beckoned the templar into the First Enchanter's office.<br>Cullen repressed a shudder when he saw First Enchanter Irving stting at his desk. The Mage gave him a sympathic look. Well, he had tried to repress the shudder.

"How may I be of Service, Knight-Commander?" Cullen asked.

"Cullen, it is clear you suffer still from the attack. You worst than most, and you have valid reasons to be cautious. The first Enchanter and I have talked about it a great deal. It hasn't gone unnoticed that you are still jumping at every shadow here in the Ferelden Circle." The Knight-Commander glanced at the young Templar, pity in his eyes. "As you know, you cant just leave the Templar order. It is a lifestyle, not a career choice. Kirkwall, in the Free Marches, has appointed a new Knight-Commander to lead their order. Meredith is looking to have someone who is seasoned as her Knight-Captain. This will be a great opportnity for you if you choose to accept the position. It might be best if you got away from Ferelden for a bit."

"When can I leave?"


	2. Chapter 2

"This wouldn't have happened if the Templars didn't push the mages to such drastic measures," Hawke spat with vemon coating every word. Craver cringed behind his sister.

"Drastic measures?" The Knight-Captain rounded on her, "one mage has enough power to burn an entire city to the ground. We aren't the ones pushing." Cullen glanced over at Kerran and shuddered.

Hawke moved to retort, but caught the fear in the man's eyes when he looked at the recruit. "Not all mages are demon dealing blood mages. You can't destroy Kerran's livelihood on the off chance that he might be possessed. He is innocent in this," she replied softer.

A reluctant smile tugged at Cullen's lips, "you sound like a mage I knew in Ferelden." The Knight-Captain sighed heavily, "you're right. It is probably best if we had him here to keep an eye on him, instead of unleashing it onto the city. Kerran, if you show no signs of possession in ten years time, you will be eligible for a full knighthood." Cullen hadn't had the nightmares since he arrived in Kirkwall. He had a feeling that he wouldn't be so lucky tonight.

* * *

><p>Cullen watched Hawke and her companions as they headed for the boat house to cross the harbor back to the main land. He knew she was an apostate, but he couldn't arrest her after she rooted out the blood mages that had been taking the templars recruits to plant demons in them. If she argued with a Knight-Captain like that, she wouldn't last much longer out of the Gallows.<p>

"That girl has more Amell in her than Hawke," a circle mage behind Cullen chuckled.

"Amell?"

"Leandra Amell is her mother. I never had the pleasure of meeting her, but Malcom Hawke was a good friend of mine once. He was bold, but not as stubborn as his daughter," the man walked passed the knght-captain towards the circle entrance.

Cullen sighed. His Dreams tonight would be interesting indeed.

* * *

><p>"I didn't know that you enjoyed the Gallows so much, sister!" Carver snapped the moment he stepped foot onto the docks. "Maybe next time we can ask the Knight-Captain to fetch Knight Commander Meredith for you. I bet she would love to hear what you had to say on the mage vs templar's topic."<p>

Hawke hugged heself while Fenris and Anders got off the tiny boat. She bit her tounge not interested in fighting with her younger brother. He was right, she needed to keep herself in check. They weren't in Ferelden anymore.

"You alright?" Anders asked.

"I will be, " she replied, pasting a smile on her lips. She accepted Fenris's outstretched hand, and he hoisted her up onto the docks.

"You aren't exactly playing the undercover apostate very well. Maybe assualting the Knight-Captain was a poor choice." Fenris said. Hawke's head shot up and she threw an If-looks-could-kill glare at the elf. He turned away, not wanting to argue with her.

Carver snorted, " they probably couldn't wait to get us out of there. If Marian had exploded in a fit of magic, well, it would have ruined the day of whoever drew the short stick for clean up."


	3. Chapter 3

**Author's note: I know I am adding this a little late, but it is something that I have been thinking about, and if I recall correctly I even referenced back to it later on in the story on accident. It has been in my head for a long time, and it is messing with the actual story lol so here we go**

* * *

><p>"Marian! Get up or Bertrand will lead the expedition to the deep roads without us!" Carver yelled as he shook his sister awake, for the third time.<p>

"Mmrrrrrr" Hawke grumbled incoherently.

"Fine, I will just go in your place."

The older sister grabbed her brother by the arm, "Don't even think about it, bro."

* * *

><p>"Of course I am taking Carver, I need him," Hawke answered her mother. If she didn't, Carver would never let her hear the end of it.<p>

"Don't worry about me so, Mother. I can take care of myself, you'll see."Carver laid a comforting hand on his mother's shoulder and kissed her lightly on the forehead.

Aveline stepped forward, "They will be fine Mistress Amell. I'll keep them in line," their mother nodded at the Guard-Captain and turned back towards Lowtown without saying another word. Carver and Marion watched her walk away; silent sobs making her shoulders shake.

* * *

><p>"Oh, my baby, you're back!" Hawke's mother exclaimed. They had been down in the deep roads for nearly a month. "Where is Carver?"<p>

Hawke cringed and tears blurred her vision, "h-he didn't make it." The words were barbed, tearing at her throat as she forced them past her lips. She watched several emotions fight for dominance on her mother's face: Anger, blame, horror. Her knees gave out and she collapsed onto the floor; her face finally settling on sorrow.

* * *

><p>"Serrah, you have a visitor," Bodhan opened the door just a crack. Hawke stood in the den with her arms wrapped around herself. They had been living in the Amell estate for two weeks, and out of the deep roads a month. That was the way Leandra and Hawke were learning to gauge time; how long since the deep roads? Since Carver had died from the Blight? "Serrah?"<p>

The apostate blinked and pasted a smile on her face, "Who is it?"

Bodhan opened the door wider and stepped in, "it is a templar, miss."

Hawke's hold on her smile faltered and she felt it slip. "Does this templar have a name?"

"Cullen," the templar said, pushing past the dwarf. An unexpected warmth thrilled through Hawke's body at seeing the Knight-Captain.

"Thank you, Bodhan," the apostate said, dismissing the man-servant kindly.

Cullen's armor rustled as he moved deeper into the room until he was a few paces away from her.

She went to apply her forced smile and realized it took less effort than she expected.

Cullen hadn't exactly been planning to stop and see Hawke. He had been up at the Chantry when he saw Leandra Amell sobbing through her prayers. Grand Cleric Elthina had gone over to comfort her and saw Cullen looking on with concern. He offered to escort her home, but she asked him to take a message to her daughter instead. "I ran into your mother at the Chantry and she asked me to tell you that she intends to take an overnight vigil."

Hawke took a step closer to him and fixed her bright blue eyes on him, "it's their birthday."

"Who?" Cullen asked automatically, losing himself in her gaze.

"The twins. My sister, Bethany, joined the Maker during our escape from Lothering by an ogre. I killed Carver in the Deep Roads when he contracted the Blight. Today is their birthday." Tears started rolling down her cheeks. Cullen stepped forward and wiped the tears away. "I-I can't believe that I had to kill my little brother," she choked out around her sobs. He caught a tear on her check, and let his hand linger there. Her eyelids fluttered shut, and pushed into his hands. Realizing what she was doing, Hawked stiffened and Cullen hastily withdrew his hand and stepped away.

Hawke turned to the fireplace, "Thank you, Knight-Captain."

Even though she was no longer watching him, he bowed and retreated from the estate.


	4. Chapter 4

"Fixing your mess is not the demand of the Qun! And you should all be **grateful!**," The Arishok yelled as he took a few threatening steps towards the companions. "Thank you, human. Leave," he finished, gaining control of himself. Hawke turned to her companions and walked away from the Qunari leader. It took all of her will to not burst into a run and flee the compound.

When they were safely heading up into Lowtown, Aveline let out a breath she had been holding, "We need to let the Viscount know that the Arishok is at his breaking point."

Hawke massaged her temples, "I need a break from all this. Anders said that he needed to ask me a quick favor, so let me go knock that out before we start playing with politics again."

* * *

><p>Hawke was momentarily stunned as the reek of Darktown assaulted her senses. Her eyes watered heavily and she fought with her stomach as it tried to make it's offering of her breakfast to the Undercity. Hawke finally gained the upper hand in her inner battle and begins making her way through the bowels of Kirkwall.<p>

The lanterns of Anders's Clinic burned brightly against the gloom of it surroundings. The young apostate walked in to find Anders concentrating on a small Ferelden boys leg. The boy's mother was babbling hysterically and the only sense that Hawke could make out of it was that the boys leg had broken through the skin. Hawke felt the world shift under her. She had killed her fair share of baddies throughout her life. But when she went into it, she mental prepared herself for the blood she was going to see, and took several baths when she got home. Her spells were purely defensive, and they weren't the kind that made the victim explode or anything. She considered herself a force mage. She would throw the enemies around and slow them down until someone else could get a hold of them or they collapsed from exhaustion. Her father was so relieved when he found out that his daughter had to fight the urge to faint from parchment cuts. No reason to worry about her become a blood mage.

Anders glanced up and saw Hawke swaying on her feet. He turned to one of his assistants and gestured to their visitor. But in doing so, the healer lifted his hands and Hawke caught sight of the protrusion. The ground rushed up to meet her as she fainted.

Hawke was aware of a familiar voice somewhere nearby. The dull throb in her head, which was what she had followed to get to the voice, roared. A groan of pain escaped her lips and her eyes slowly fluttered open. "Ouch," she muttered.

Anders grabbed her chin with a physicians touch, assessing the damage. "You don't have a concussion, where does it hurt?"

Gritting her teeth, she gestured weakly towards her head. Gently probing fingers ran through her hair, feeling for the source of her pain. She gasped when he brushed over the offending knot. "you are such a baby, Hawke," he smiled. Warmth flooded from his fingers and she sighed as the pain receded to nothing.

The excitement over her loss of pain made Hawke careless, and she jumped from the table she had been sitting on. Too quick, Anders had to catch her before she took herself out again." Maker's Breath, woman!" he cursed as she steadied herself in his arms.

Hawke regained her balance and pushed away from Anders, this time keeping her feet under her.. She threw a lopsided grin and leaned against a support beam. "Now that I am done fainting a stuff, let's get down to business," She laughed. "There was something you wanted to talk to me about?"

Without any warning, the healers eyes flashed blue as he and Justice had a brief inner struggle for control. Hawke repressed a shudder and felt goose bumps prickle her arms. She like Anders, but he was struggling harder everyday to keep control over the Spirit inside of him. It made her uneasy.

"Yes," he said not noticing, or not wanting to notice his friends reaction to the losing battle he was fighting. "Have you noticed how many new tranquil there are in the Gallows courtyard lately?" He began.

* * *

><p>Waiting for night to fall, Hawke returned to her estate. She was sitting in her room thinking about he had told her. There were rumors flying around that the Templars were planning on making every mage in Kirkwall Tranquil, "The Tranquil Solution". Hawke shivered violently, the thought of being made tranquil made her blood run cold. She gathered her things, and began to make her way to Darktown.<p>

She was surprised to see Fenris and Aveline waiting out side the refugee Clinic with Anders. "I asked Fenris to come just in case things, um, get out of hand. And with Aveline begin Guard Captain, I think she needs to see what these Templars are capable of," the healer said by way of explanation, as if reading her thoughts. Hawke nodded, she just wanted this to be over with.

The Companions walked in silence through the tunnels carved for Lyrium smugglers. They were all on edge, The silence was unsettling and each of them had their weapons ready.

"We are almost to the gallows," Anders barely whispered, but after an hour of nothing, he might as well have yelled.

They rounded a corner and Fenris began to glow blue. "It's a trap!" Too late. They walked into a room full of templars. On mage stood in terror, held against the leader. He hand was clamped firmly over her mouth.

Without a word, the templars burst into action. Aveline jumped in front of Hawke Defending her while she cast, Anders fell to his knees and when he rose Justice glowed through. Hawk let the battle drop from her conscious and dipped into the pool she held in her mind. Her spells swam around in it and she plucked on out. Whispering incantations and drawing glyphs in the air, she used the Fist of the Maker. A Spell that picked up the enemies and slammed them against the ground. That would slow them down, she though. She went to dip into her magic mind pool again, but couldn't touch the surface. Maker she hated Templars. She scanned the battlefield to see who was nullifying the area. "Ulrich!" Justice yelled. Fenris had three on him and with a sweep of his battle axe they all fell.

"Focus on the leader!" Aveline yelled as she rolled under her opponent's guard, finishing him with a blow to the knees from her shield and cutting through a weak point in his armor as he fell. Justice yelled in anger, he wasn't able to cast yet either. Hawke moved to focus her basic attacks on the Templar Leader.

Ulrich didn't stand a chance against all four of them and quickly fell. Wit h all the templars dead, Justice rounded on the circle mage. She had fallen to her knees and was rocking back and forth while praying.

She looked up to see the spirit of justice standing over her. "They will all know Justice's burn!" He growled. She screamed and shrank away from him.

"DEMON?" She cried

"I am not demon. Are you one of them to accuse me of such?" He started glowing more intensely.

Hawke stepped in between the mage and her friend. "That is enough, Anders. They are all dead."

"I can feel their hold on her, she is one of them!"

Hawke held her staff in a defensive stance. She hoped she could talk him down but the didn't have time. They just slaughtered a host of Templars in what looked like an underground storage room. "And- Justice, we don't have time for this!"

Justice narrowed Anders's eyes. He raise his hands and Hawke barely had time to counter with a force field. The blow cracked the support beams on the room and the ceiling between her and the others collapsed. Hawke stood looking dumbstruck at the ruined exit.

The mage that she had saved grabbed Hawke by the elbow, "we have to get out of here before someone comes to see what's happened." The apostate let the circle mage drag her into the gallows.


	5. Chapter 5

The power behind Justice's blow hitting Hawke's force field sent Anders flying back into a wall, knocking him unconscious. Aveline ran over to him and felt for his pulse. It was weak, but he was alive.

"Leave him," Fenris growled as he tried to find a safe way to pry the wreckage apart.

"He's not getting out of this that easily," the Guard-Captain bent to pick the unconscious mage up, but she saw blood snaking down her right arm. She had a long gash, nothing fatal, but she wasn't going to be able to support Anders, Fenris shook his head at the blocked path and walked over to Aveline. He bent down and roughly hoisted the mage into his arms.

* * *

><p>"My name is Ella, by the way," Hawke fought the urge to burst into hysterical laughter.<p>

"Hawke," the apostate said as she looked around the dining hall. Ella had gotten them out with no problem. They barely had time to get to the mage's room before a bell rang indicating dinner hour. No one took particular interest in Hawke's presence, What was one more mage in the Circle of Magi?

"Th-the Hawke?" Ella whispered in awe. "Aren't you an apostate who recently bought an estate in Hightown?"

"No, I was an apostate who had an estate in Hightown, and am now stuck in the one place I have been avoiding since I cast my first spell." Hawke grumbled to herself as she gagged a spoonful of something that was beyond hope of recognition down. She saw Ella wince and immediately felt ashamed. "Let's not tell anyone that last part though I do have a reputation to keep." the apostate said winking playfully at her companion.

"How are you going to escape?" a Curious voice asked from beside Hawke.

She mentally face palmed herself and turned to the eavesdropper. "Seth!" Ella exclaimed. "Mind your own business."

"She has to have a plan," the mage, Seth, said leaning in.

She didn't have a plan, yet, but she was working on it. "Maybe if I just ask the Knight-Commander really nicely, she will understand this is all just a mistake." Hawke said throwing him a crooked smile.

Seth snorted, "Welcome to the Gallows.

* * *

><p>Anders hunched in the corner of Varric's Suite in the Hanged Man. He had come to just a few minutes ago and listened in horror as Aveline accusingly recounted what happened.<p>

"You are out of control!" Sebastian yelled, taking a threatening step toward the healer.

Anders agreed, but what could he do? What had he done?

Varric steeped in front of the Prince of Starkhaven, "it's done. All we can do now is figure out how we are going to get Hawke back." He turned to Anders, "does the Mage Underground know of any other ways into the Gallows?"

The Healer shook his head, still not able to speak.

* * *

><p>The great doors to the dining hall flew open. A wave of terror crashed through the room. It was so thick Hawke had to concentrate on breathing around it. A tall woman flowed into the room. Her blonde hair swayed as she looked around at the mages gathered there. A smile broke across her face as she fed off the terror. Hawke didn't move, worried that even attempting to shrink into herself would draw attention. She was aware that others had entered with the Knight-Commander, but Hawke didn't dare turn to look. Meredith walked over to one of her templars, Hawke recognized as Thrask, who was one of many that lined the hall and whispered something. He paled and saluted. They walked out together. One of her entourage stayed to take his place on the wall.<p>

"Still thinking of asking nicely?" Seth whispered. It was Hawke's turn to snort.

* * *

><p>"We could wrap some of us up in a crate and pretend we are delivering a gift to the Knight-Commander," Isabela suggested.<p>

* * *

><p>Cullen scanned the room as the Knight-Commander informed Thrask of what had been found in the storage room. The Knight-Captain barely contained his gasp when his gaze settled on Hawke's. She was watching the Knight- Commander intensely, and hadn't seen Cullen. How did she get here? The he wondered.<p>

"Cullen, take Ser Thrask's post while we go talk to the Starkhaven mages. They must know what happened down there." Meredith's voice broke into Cullen's thoughts and he saluted his superior.

He saw Seth whisper something to Hawke and she snorted in reply.

* * *

><p>"I could petition the Viscount," Aveline said.<p>

* * *

><p>The Knight-Captain cringed when one of the lieutenants approached him. Trevor was a foul man who was in the habit of harassing the female apprentices, "who's the new girl over there with Ella?"<p>

Cullen closed his eyes and took a deep breath to steady his voice," she was brought in this morning," Cullen lied.

"Who's dorm block has she been assigned to?" Trevor asked licking his lips as he sneered hungrily at Hawke.

Cullen clenched and unclenched his fists resisting the urge to wipe that grin from the Knight- Lieutenant's lips. "Mine," Cullen growled.

* * *

><p>"We could just explain this is all a misunderstanding," Merrill offered.<p>

* * *

><p>Hawke followed Seth and Ella toward the dining hall exit. A hand grabbed her elbow in a firm grip and she unconsciously reached for her staff. Her hands came up empty and she cursed under her breath.. Ella had told Hawke to leave it in her room. Mages weren't allowed to carry them.<p>

"Kni-knight Captain?" Ella stammered.

Cullen? Warm relief flooded the growing pit of despair Hawke had been digging in her mind. She turned to him and saw his usually warm eyes were cold. The apostate in Hawke unleashed panic and she fought to stay still.

"I will escort our new addition to her quarters," Cullen pushed Hawke forward with a teeth jarring shove.

* * *

><p>"Hawke isn't helpless. She will more than likely find an opportunity to escape." Fenris muttered.<p>

* * *

><p>He grabbed Hawke as she was leaving the dining Hall.<p>

"Kni-Knight-Captain?"

Cullen felt Hawke relax in his grasp when she heard his title. His heart beat faster and he wanted to just grab her and run. No, if he let her drop her guard, Trevor or one of the less respectful templars would be on her before she could blink. He watched her beautiful eyes frost over with fear and betrayal when she met his gaze. Good girl, let me get you out of here in one piece.

"I will escort our new addition to her quarters."

* * *

><p>"Choir Boy could go up there to reclaim his Starkhaven mages and include her in the round up," Varric Suggested.<p>

* * *

><p>Hawke couldn't fight it any longer, a whimper of pain escaped her lips. It felt as if Cullen was trying to rip her arm off. The sound broke into Cullen's racing thoughts and he realized he had a death grip on her. He loosened his hold and Hawke sighed in relief.<p>

A few minutes later they reached the dorm block he was in charge of. He pulled a key ring out of one of his pouches and unlocked the first door.

He thrust her in and closed the door before she was able to regain her balance.

Hawke rounded on him and sighed heavily when she saw the door shut in her face. She was too tired for this. There were no windows to let the moonlight fill the room, so Hawke dipped into her magic pool and whipped up a quick fireball. She fumbled with the spell, not familiar with fire as much as force. She sighed when it went out, "I really need to work on my offense," she whispered into the dark. When she tried again the spell held long enough for her to find and light a candle before it went out.

* * *

><p>"Grand Cleric Elthina may be able to get her out," Sebastian said half heartedly.<p>

* * *

><p>Cullen wasn't going to get any sleep tonight. Every noise he heard put him on edge. Was that Trevor entering Hawke's room? He had put her in the room right across from his so he would be able to hear if anyone tried to get to her. He didn't think that it was going to affect him like this. He heard the door click open and shut. He sprang up from his bed and stubbed his toe on the leg of a chair. Cullen cursed and reached for the door. Sword? His logic asked. Cursing again, he turned and grabbed his weapon. He was across the hall and pushed his ear against the door. He couldn't hear anything over his pounding heart, so he thrust the door open. A candle burned, but the room was empty.<p>

Where was she?

* * *

><p>"What have I done?" Anders asked burying his face in his hands.<p>

"Thanks for the contribution," Varric grumbled into his mug as he took a drink.

* * *

><p>Hawke didn't know where she was, and she wasn't sure she would be able to get back even if she wanted to. What was she going to do? She tried to get her bearings and deduce what time it was. Early morning? "What do we have here?" A voice behind Hawke ripped her from her thoughts.<p>

A Templar blocked her path and she had come to a dead end. She was trapped.

"You can't sleep? Need a little something to you relax?" The sneering templar asked grabbing for her.

Hawke tried to scream, but the large man was on her in an instant. He knocked her back against the wall and starting fumbling with her robe. She tried to catch her breath so she could try and scream again. But the man pushed his lips hard against hers. She felt he lips cut on her teeth and the taste of her blood made her panic. I can't pass out! She told herself, I need to fight him.

Suddenly, the man's weight lifted and Hawke opened her eyes not even aware she had closed them. Another templar was pummeling her assailant. Hawke blinked through the tears forming in her eyes and she realized it was Cullen. Her knees gave out and she slid down the wall. She laughed hysterically with relief at seeing the Knight-Captain. Hearing the maniacal noise coming from her mouth, she put a hand over it.

Cullen didn't stop until his corrupt brother in arms lay unconscious. He walked over to Hawke and she pushed herself up and into his arms. He stiffened for a moment in surprise. Then he felt her body shake and heard her crying. He wrapped his arms around her, "you are safe now" He didn't know if he was trying to reassure her or him. He made soothing noises and ran his hands up and down her back to calm her. "Don't cry, Hawke, I promise no one will hurt you." He had to get her out of here.


	6. Chapter 6

Cullen walked into the Hanged Man, knowing it was the companions unofficial headquarters. He had a hard time getting Hawke to sleep. He had sat with her gently running his hands through her hair. She clutched his night shirt in a death grip for about an hour before she finally fell asleep. He wanted to just stay there with her. He wanted to crawl into bed with her and hold Hawke close. He wanted to know why he was having such strong feelings for the apostate. He didn't want to leave, but they had to figure out a plan.

The bar grew quiet as he walked in, but he didn't slow his pace until he was up the short flight of stairs and outside the closed door of the dwarf's suite. He didn't bother knocking, just opened the door, walked in and shut it behind him. Hawke's companions fell into a silent shock at his entrance. They sat or stood scattered around the room watching him. He grabbed a chair and lowered himself into it. "We need to get her out of there. What have you all come up with?" He asked.

Hawke counted to fifty when she heard the door shut behind Cullen. She needed to get herself out of here. She got dressed quickly and silently. She had heard Cullen walking away from the room, so she didn't have to worry about him popping out of his room and ushering her back into hers.

She didn't want to run into any more of the templars, but she couldn't just sit around and hope for a rescue. She decided to go the opposite way she had earlier and see what she could find. I plan was forming in her head, it wasn't a good one, but it was better than not one.

She found what she was looking , it hadn't been easy and she had to turn around multiple times, but she made it. She walked up to the door and knocked. "Who is it?" The Knight-Commanders voice asked muffled through the door.

Good, Hawke had thought Meredith seemed more like a morning kind of girl and was happy it was true. "It's Hawke."

Silence answered from the other side then, "it's open." Maybe not a happy morning person, but at least she is awake. The apostate took a deep breath and sent a quick prayer to the Maker. She hoped she hadn't just signed up for the Rite of Tranquility.

Cullen had promised Hawke's companions he would come back the next night. They all needed sleep if they had any hope of rescuing her.

He stumbled up the stairs and was walking past the Knight-Commander's office when the voice that came out of it stopped him dead in his tracks.

"…ask the Viscount, or the Arishok. Whichever you are more comfortable with." Hawke's soft voice said.

"Let me get this straight, Apostate," the word made Cullen cringe, but he could see Hawke who didn't even flinch at the title, "you were apprehended by one of my templars while running errands for the Viscount?"

"That is correct," Cullen wanted to shake Hawke until she saw stars. Damn it all! Cullen cursed

"If I ran this by the Viscount he would be able to confirm this story?" Meredith asked suspiciously.

"Yes," Hawke replied a little stung that the Knight-Commander thought she was stupid enough to throw around big names, like Viscount and Arishok, without meaning it.

"Which one of my templars nabbed you?"

"His nametag must have fallen off," the apostate said.

Cullen forced the smile off his lips as he walked into the office. "I'm sorry to interrupt, Knight-Commander," He saluted and glanced at Hawke. She had a shocked expression on her face and Meredith saw the exchange.

"Was this the Templar?" the Knight-Commander asked, misreading what she saw between them.

Hawke retrieved her jaw from the Deep roads and regained her composure. She nodded, not trusting her voice to stay steady.

Meredith turned to her window, looking at nothing in particular, as she dove into her thoughts . After a moment of contemplation, she turned to Cullen. "Knight-Captain, since you were able to take this apostate down, I am putting her in your care until I get back. I need to speak with the Viscount about this and we will decide what to do from there. Report back here with her an hour before the dinner bell.

Hawke bit her tongue on a snappy remark. The woman never said her name! It was either apostate or her and was about to tell the Knight-Commander that her name was Hawke, H-A-W-K-E.

"I will," he said. He saw Hawke hold herself back from retaliating., but he wasn't going to take any chances. He grabbed her by the crook of her elbow. She was getting sick of this man dragging her everywhere they went. She would be surprised if he didn't leave bruises.

Cullen lead her back to his quarters and rusher her inside. He followed and shut the door behind them. "Are you mad?"

Hawke rubbed feeling back into her arm, and flopped down into a chair. "No, I'm nervous. But, they can leave me in here if they want. The Arishok will talk to no one, but me. And last time I talked to him, he seemed ready to march against Kirkwall. Someone needs to tell the Arishok about their magic less explosion powder has been stolen. If I were a lesser woman I would be happy to be safe in the Circle."

"Let's hope the Viscount will be able to sway Meredith," Cullen mumbled.

She rose from the chair and started pacing the room. "I just wish I could let the other's know. I don't know what they are planning, but I hope they don't attempt a rescue now. It will ruin the trust thing I have going with Meredith," Hawke snorted.

"They don't have a solid plan yet. We are supposed to meet again tonight," the Templar said absent mindedly, watching Hawke prowl the room like a caged predator.

"Well, that's go-, wait, what?" She asked plopping back into the chair. "How do you know?"

Cullen pulled another chair over and sat across from her.

Breakfast hour in the Gallows brought a different color of mush. Hawke was dying for anything she could put a name to. She sat in the same place with Ella and Seth. Cullen stood against the wall with a group of his fellows. Everytime Hawke glanced up he would turn his attention from where ever it had been to meet hers. As if answering a silent call. A shiver ran up her spine.

"So, boss, you thought up a plan yet?" Seth asked.

"Don't call me that, and sort of," Hawke reluctantly pulled herself away from Cullen. Seth choked on the spoonful of unknown he had been eating.,

"H-how?" He sputtered.

She felt the heat of Cullen's stare and she turned to him, answering his call. He shook his head slightly.

"Okay, you take the left one, I'll take the middle, and Ella can take the one on the right," Hawke said jokingly pointing at the group Cullen stood in. Seth rolled his eyes and went back to eating his food.

"We are never getting out of here," Ella whispered sadly.

Hawke felt guilty. She had never endured this, and these two didn't know anything else. The apostate reached over and squeezed the circle mage's hand, "at least Ulrich is dead."

"He isn't the only one we need to be afraid of." She said.

As if the words summoned him, Trevor walked into the hall. Hawke shuddered and had to take deep breaths to calm herself. She sent her silent call to Cullen, hoping for reassurance. He felt her pull and stared hatred at the templar.

Hawke pushed her plate away.

The Templars ate in their quarters and the smell of roasted duck turned the water on in her mouth. Cullen saw her eat the meal with her eyes and he cut it in half. The Knight-Captain handed her the fork and he ate with his knife.

Lunch was optional for the mages, and Hawke was getting anxious. She couldn't eat, she couldn't sit still, and she couldn't think straight with Cullen looming over her. He was getting nervous watching her pace his room so instead of taking her to the dining hall, he took her to walk the grounds.

She peaked into every room and tried every door to see if they were locked; most were. Her curiosity amused him and he caught himself smiling every time she looked back to make sure he was still following.

She felt oddly comfortable with Cullen. He was her opposite, Mage and Templar.

Her father never taught her to fear templars, but he did teach her to avoid them. How could she avoid Cullen, when she felt so drawn to him?

Just before Cullen was supposed to meet with the Knight-Commander, a knock sounded at the door, making both of them jump.

Kerran stepped into the room and smiled shyly at Hawke. "The Knight-Commander wanted me to tell you that she will see you, but to leave Hawke here, She wishes to speak with you privately. I was supposed to have Knight-Lieutenant Trevor come and watch her," Hawke shrunk into her chair, "but the Knight-Commander sounded as if this was urgent so in the interest of time, I offered to watch her."

Hawke walked over to Kerran and wrapped her arms around him. The templar recruit stood in shock. Cullen watched the apostate tremble in fear and fought the urge to pull her out of Kerran's arms and into his comforting embrace, "she had a run in with Trevor last night," he said instead. Hawke shuddered and Kerran wrapped his arms around her.

"I saw him today, and he was all beat up. Did she. . .?"

"No, I did," Cullen replied. "Why would the Knight-Commander agree to let you come instead of Trevor?

"Uh- she said that with Hawke's freedom at stake, it didn't matter if she sent the cook. She would behave herself."


	7. Chapter 7

" I talked to the Viscount, and what the Apostate said is true," the Knight-Commander didn't turn from her window when Cullen entered the room. " The Qunari situation is being held together only because she has been the in between. The Arishok will talk to no one else. This is tricky, to put it lightly, and no one wants to see this ordeal get out of hand. I have agreed to let her go, but on a condition."

Cullen didn't let his relief show, "which is?"

"That she becomes a Templar's Charge."

"You wish for one of us to stay with her while she wraps up this business with the Qunari?"

"Yes," The Knight-Commander said.

"Then what?" Cullen asked.

"If she proves she isn't a threat then she remains an apostate. If not, she returns to the Gallows.

"Who are you assigning as her handler?"

"Who other than the Templar that brought her here?"

Cullen resisted the urge to run back to his room. He didn't want to give the Knight-Commander a chance to change her mind. He thrust the door open and Hawke jumped at his sudden entrance "Let's get you out of here," he said.

Hawke was so excited she offered him her elbow to be lead out.

* * *

><p>The companions were back to planning a rescue when the templar came through the door of Varric's suite. Aveline stood up, we didn't think. . . "<p>

Hawke smiled at her friends shocked expressions, "who missed me?"

* * *

><p>"So does having a Templar babysitter mean we won't be able to go on our weekly naked runs through the woods anymore?" Isabela teased.<p>

Hawke smiled, "we will just have to pick a different night each weak. I will keep you posted." Isabela chuckled as she signaled the waitress for a refill.

"Where are you going to keep him?" Merril asked shyly.

"Hawke is my charge. I will be staying in her estate," Cullen replied

"Excuse me?" Hawke was liking this charge and handler thing less and less. Cullen said that is was sort of like the Qunari with their mages. As long as she was good, she wouldn't have to wear a leash.

"Oh, Hawke, can I please go with you when you go home to show mommy your new pet?" Varric asked smiling from ear to ear.

"I could post a guard outside the estate's entrance." Aveline stepped in.

"None of those guards brought the Mighty Hawke to her knees pleading with the Knight-Commander." Cullen said smugly.

"Neither did you," Fenris said looking accusingly at Anders. Hawke hadn't heard him say anything since her arrival. He had held her at arms length, hands shaking. Then, the healer had stepped forward and kissed her lightly on the forehead.

"How _did_ you end up in the circle?" Cullen had been playing the part of her captive, and he had started to believe it himself.

"I have a question for you Knight-Captain," Anders said from his corner. Everyone, except Cullen, held their breath. "As Hawke's 'handler' will you be taking in her mage companions? It is no secret that not only is she an apostate, but she travels with them. How much danger are they in?"

" 'The Templar who accepts the charge no longer has any authority over other mages. The Charge is that Templars only concern.'," Cullen quoted. "It used to be common practice to have templars and their charges, but slowly as mages began to rebel faster than the templars without charges could react, the practice become obsolete. For better or for worse, Hawke is my only concern."

"Well, that is a relief," Merril said.

* * *

><p>"Marian!" Leandra grabbed her daughter and started crying in relief. "Aveline came by and told me what happened. Maker, what would I have done if I lost you too? I am so glad you are all right."<p>

"Mistress Amell," Cullen said in greeting behind Hawke.

"Mama, let's go sit down, I have to explain what is going on," Hawke said as she lead her mother to the den.

* * *

><p>"Thanks for coming, Anders," Hawke said as she lead him into her estate. "I just thought it best if we didn't go anywhere we would regret later."<p>

"I appreciate it, Hawke. It seems like I have moved up in the world now that I am making house calls in Hightown. Did he hurt you?" Anders asked loud enough for Cullen, who was in the den could hear.

Hawke moved up the stairs towards her bedroom. She wanted to talk about what happened. "Anders,"

"Don't, Hawke. I can't believe that happened. That I could do something like that to you.

"You didn't" Hawke whisper as she lowered her eyes.

"Yes, I did! Justice and I are the same. And from the looks of it, I no longer have control of him," Anders said putting a finger under her chin, forcing her to look up at him.

"Well, I will accept an apology, but it's not fair that I want normalcy again and you are being a stubborn ass!" She pulled away from his touch and glared up at him.

Anders blinked in surprise, "Alrgiht, Hawke, I am sorry. Can you forgive me?"

"Yes," she smiled.

Cullen followed them upstairs and watched the exchange. He clenched his jaw and wanted to tear the abomination a part. Varric and Fenris had accompanied to the estate last night and told him what happened after Hawke had gone to bed.

"So, I hope you aren't mad, but I don't actually need any healing. I just wanted to get this whole situation cleared up." Hawke said

Anders laughed, "So much for Hightown house calls."

When Anders left, Cullen cornered Hawke in the entrance hall. He couldn't stand watching the abomination flirting with her. He wasn't able to control it, but his feelings for her were becoming apparent to him with every moment he spent with her.

"Are you and him in a relationship?" Cullen didn't want to dance around this.

"No!" Hawke exclaimed. She liked Ander's well enough, but Justice terrified her.

"Then why do you lead him on the way that you do?"

"I don't. Anders is kind of fragile."

"**Fragile? **He nearly killed you!" Cullen shouted.

"I don't see how this is any of your business!" Hawke yelled trying to get around him so she could get to the safety of her room.

"You are my business, Hawke." His voice was thick. He cupped her face in his hands and couldn't stop looking at her lips.

"Cullen?"

He bent down and barely brushed his lips over hers, then pulled away and retreated to his cot in the den.


	8. Chapter 8

Hawke sat up in her room unable to sleep. Her lips still tingled from Cullen's lips barely grazing her. Was she even allowed to feel so giddy over a templar?

Screams shattered her thoughts. Was that Cullen? She jumped from her bed and sprinted down the stairs. What could make the Knight-Captain scream like that?

* * *

><p>Silence. Screams. Temptation.<p>

* * *

><p>"Cullen?" Hawke leaned over a cot the templar had set up near the fireplace.<p>

"Is he all right?" Leandra asked as she wiped sleep from her eyes.

"He'll be fine, Mama, go to bed," she waited as her mother retreated from the room and she heard the bedroom door close. The mage turned back to see that Cullen's eyes were open and he was watching her intensely.

"Nightmare?"

The templer shuddered and nodded. He slowly sat up and placed his legs over the edge of the cot. "I haven't had it for awhile, I'm sorry for waking you."

"This has happened before? Do you want to talk about it?" He began to shake his head, but when he looked into her eyes, the usually bright blue was darkened by the clouds of worry she felt for him.

"You don't want to hear about it," he replied, looking away.

"Not here, your cot is as comfortable as the void. Let's move into my room and you can sit in the chair while I lay comfy in my bed." Despite his past haunting him, he laughed.

"It is uncomfortable. You think it was a nightmare, but really it was my subconscious screaming about the pain in my back.." She smile at him and he saw the blue lighten, but still not quite their normal brightness.

* * *

><p>"So you were held captive until my cousin came in and freed you?" She didn't even think that Kalian had known Cullen. She had met her cousin, but that was before either of them had shown signs of magic. They were so young, Hawke couldn't remember her. "I'm sorry you went through that. How is it you are still, well, you?"<p>

Cullen watched the flames licking at the wood in the fireplace. The shadows it cast on his face mimicked the ones he had on his soul. "I wasn't always. . .me. After the incident with Uldred, I saw blood mages and abominations in every corner. I questioned the teachings of the Chantry. How could the Maker allow mages to be part of his world, if they were so dangerous? But then, Uldred shook me to the very core. My faith in not only the mages, but the maker himself was crumbling under me." He shuddered. " 'Blessed are they who stand before the corrupt and the wicked and do not falter. Blessed are the peacekeepers, the champions of the just."

"The Chant of Light?"

"A Revered Mother spoke it to me the day before Knight-Commander Greagoir offered to send me to Kirkwall. I know both sides of the coin for the templars. Not truly believing mages can be so bad is how I started and then I flipped and couldn't believe how they could cause so much damage. I wanted to kill every mage around me. But Kalian showed mercy. You said to me when we first met that it isn't just the mages at fault but the templar's too. Kirkwall is where I am trying to find my balance." Hawke quietly contemplated what Cullen said.

"For the record, I am glad that you are in Kirkwall," she didn't know what else to say, but it was true.

"Me too," he replied after a moment. He hadn't told anyone about his dreams or what happened to the circle when it fell. He felt a weight of it lift a bit. Hawke reached out and grabbed the edge of his nightshirt The way she had after Trevor had attacked her. He smiled and starting running his hands through her hair until she fell asleep. He watched her fingers lightly traced the kiss he had planted there the night before. Cullen resisted the urge tdo it again, instead he sat there for a long time watching over her. When he was sure she was asleep, he went back down to his cot in the den.

* * *

><p>"Focus, Hawke!" Anders instructed.<p>

"Stop talking so I can, Anders!" she retorted as she practiced keeping a fireball lit. Sweat dripped down into her eyes breaking her concentration.

They were down in the cellar of Hawke's estate. Cullen had still been asleep when she woke up so she took the opportunity to sneak through the passage to Anders's Clinic. She confessed the fireball failure she had while in The Gallows and he promised to teach her a few offensive tricks.

"Maybe you should try a different element," the templar's voice startled the two mages. "Sorry, your mother told me I would find you down here."

A thrill ran through Hawke when she saw Cullen standing there, but it quickly turned to shame. Here she was, a notorious apostate and she couldn't hold a fireball for longer than a few seconds.

"How long have you been watching?" Anders asked angrily.

"Long enough to know she has little talent for fire."

"Okay, so what do you recommend, oh knowledgeable one?" Hawke snorted. "Ice?"

"No, ice and fire are too closely related," Anders smiled at her.

Cullen walked up to Hawke and tousled her hair, "you should be in the circle little mage."

The smile slipped off of the healer's face at the turn the "Handler and Charge" relationship had taken, but he didn't disagree with Cullen. "It's true. You know my thoughts on the circle, but it is the only place a mage gets decent training.

Hawke swatted Cullen's hand away. "You two are acting like I can't cast a spell!" It's not my fault Kirkwall demands I change my fighting style." She crossed her arms over her chest and glared at them.

"Teach her how to manipulate a lightning bolt. I will throw up my magic resistances and play meat shield for her," Cullen said.

* * *

><p>They practiced a while longer. She picked up the lightning bolt quickly. But she felt naked without a staff to channel her magic through. Any mage could cast a spell without one, but Hawke felt clumsy not having hers. "I wish I would have thought to grab mine from Ella's room on the way out," she said, drawing glyphs in the air with an invisible staff.<p>

"There wasn't enough time. I didn't want Meredith to think about her decision."

"Fenris mentioned wanting to grab a sword, he doesn't feel balanced with a battle axe. Let's run by his mansion and then head to the Hightown market," Anders offered as they headed up into the den.

* * *

><p>The companions walked into the busy market square. Anders started towards the magi stand with Hawke so he could help her pick out a staff that would help her with the new skills he was going to teach her.<p>

Cullen watched her as Fenris looked through the weapon vendor's wares. "She's something else, isn't she?" Fenris said. The Knight-Captain glanced over at the elf, unsure how to answer. Before Cullen had to decide he continued, "She is a mage, has lost both of her younger siblings, her home, and now Kirkwall asks her to handle something the Viscount himself can't even control."

"She is strong," Cullen thought that would be a safe answer until he figured out where the conversation was going.

"That she is, but she is vulnerable. I think we have all seen the way you look at her and if not, then, putting yourself out there to rescue Hawke was enough. If you break her heart, I will kill you." He said as he tested the weight of a blade.

"She is lucky to have so many people who care about her," the knight-commander replied smiling at the female mage arguing with Anders over which one she wanted and which one he thought was more practical. Cullen tore his gaze from her. He was more of a direct person, and he thought that it would be better to handle this situation that way, " hurting her is the last thing I want. I am trying to protect her."

Hawke finally decided which one she wanted and paid the vendor.

"I think we all are," Fenris whispered.

"Find one?" Hawke asked as she approached.

"Yes, I think this one will do nicely," the elf replied.

"Great!" She said putting her new staff on her back. She straightened and felt more comfortable with her weapon. "I have a few things I need to do while I am out. It's nothing too intense, so if any of you need to go out and do your own thing, I will be fine."

"My job is my charge," Cullen said playfully.

"I don't have any patients lined up today, and if we get any emergencies, my assistants will be able to handle it."

"Buying a blade was the only thing I had planned today. Lead on," Fenris said.

"Alright, then let's head on up and see the Viscount."


	9. Chapter 9

Authors Note: I think that it is safe to assume that you all have played through Dragon Age II at least once if you are reading this. So, with that said, this part of the story there is going to be some recaps of the main quests just to keep the storyline going. I am a ride along in a Semi truck with my boyfriend, and I don't have constant access to the internet, or the game. The dialogue I throw in here from them is mainly from memory, so if it doesn't sound right, or you are confused, please just let me know and I will try to go back in and fix it. Bear with me here :D ~Coco

* * *

><p>"Although, where you would find someone with such ill repute, I don't know," The Seneschal said condescendingly.<p>

"Hanged Man," Fenris said

"The Hanged Man," Anders agreed

" Where else?" Cullen asked remembering that was where he found the companions the night that he went to them to free Hawke. He smiled at the memory.

"Yes, well, find the guards who have failed to report in, and you will find the missing Qunari delegates.

Hawke couldn't believe how quickly the situation was deteriorating. First the poison, stolen from the Qunari by a crazy elf was unleashed on a city block, and now the Qunari attempt one more time to be civil by sending delegates to explain the poisoning, only to have them disappear on the Keep's doorstep. "Hawke, do you have a moment?" Aveline asked as the group headed out to look into the Qunari situation.

"Not really," Hawke replied.

"Do you remember that templar, Emeric?" The Guard-Captain asked.

"Why am I needed for this conversation if you are just going to ignore me?"

"The one who was looking into those missing women," Aveline continued.

Hawke sighed, "yes."

* * *

><p>The Apostate wasn't excited about going back over to The Gallows, but how could she refuse Aveline's request for help when she didn't give Hawke the chance to?<p>

The boys piled into the boat and Cullen reached out to assist her. Hawke looked across the harbor and started to shake. "Don't worry, we aren't going to let anything happen to you," he whispered. She bit her lower lip and nodded. She closed the gap between them, and put her trembling hand into his.

* * *

><p>"What if it was one of your loved ones that was missing?" The templar persuaded.<p>

"Alright, Emeric, I'll look into Du Pois for you," Hawke said. She was a sucker for guilt trips.

"Thank you, Serrah. Bring proof of his innocence and I will let this go. It is just that simple."

Hawke turned away from the templar and fought the urge to sprint back to the boat. This is ridiculous, she thought. As long as she was a good little apostate, she had nothing to worry about.

By the time they made it back to the docks, the sun had started setting.

"Where to now, Oh Fearless Leader?" Anders teased.

"Oh hush, The Gallows is a scary place, Mr. Healer!" she said poking him in the chest. "Let's stop by the Hanged Man and see what all this missing Qunari fuss is about, I could use a drink."

"The Hanged Man it is then," Fenris said as they made their way to Lowtown.

* * *

><p>Isabela waved at the companions when they entered the dirty little hovel. Hawke smiled, one of the few constants in her life was seeing the Pirate Queen perched at her end of the bar.<p>

"I think that is our man," Cullen said pointing to an average joe buying a round of drinks for him and his friends.

"What makes you so sure?" Hawke asked as they made their way through the after work crowd.

"Men in uniform have a certain air, even in Civilian clothes," he replied.

"A lot of coin for this place," Anders said as they came up behind the man.

"Back up friend, or me and my new buddies will have to take care of you."

"Whoa pal, you are on your own," one of his "companions" chimed in upon hearing the threat.

"So much for friendship. Whaddya want?" The man asked.

"I want to find the Qunari that were taken at the Viscount's keep," Hawke replied sweetly.

"I ain't telling you nothing."

"That's too bad," Fenris said as he drew his weapon."

The man raised his fist, and drunkenly swung out at at the elf. The other patrons thought that it was a bar fight and before things could have even been in control, they were out of control. Hawke's companions circled around her as she dipped into her inner pool and unleashed a thunder bolt on one of the attackers. She felt whole again with her new staff. Cullen pulled away to grab their informant before he could escape. The Apostate went into her magical pool again.

"Hawke!" Isabela appeared behind her in the blink of an eye, and cut down one of patrons, who would have taken Hawke down while she had been fishing for lightning. She needed more practice before she would be able to pull her new spells off safely. Reverting back to her old tricks they forced (no pun intended) Average Joe into submission.

"What? What do you want?" The man whined.

"I just want to know who hired you to take the Qunari,"

"It was a templar, I swear, he had the Grand Cleric's seal and everything. Now will you let me go?"

"Was that so hard?" Hawke murmured with a nod to his freedom and the man scampered away.

"Great, templars," Anders said eyeing Cullen.

"With the Grand Cleric's seal no less," Fenris added.

"Ugh, this just keeps getting better and better," Hawke grumbled. "All right, we aren't going to be able to get in the Chantry tonight so, let's head home, boys."

* * *

><p>The four of them approached Hawke's estate.<p>

_What if it was one of your loved ones that was missing? Emeric's voice said in her head_

With a heavy sigh she turned around coming face to chest with Fenris. Instinctively, he reached out and steadied her.

"Hawke?" Anders questioned.

"Du Pois's estate first. Emeric sure knows how to make a girl's heart bleed," she replied as she moved around the elf.

* * *

><p>Cullen stood in front of Hawke as she reached into her magic pool. He saw what happened earlier in the Hanged Man and wasn't about to let her cast vulnerably again. She was getting the hang of the lightning whipping through her and was shooting them off with amazing precision. Anders glanced at her, smiling like a proud parent. The last of the shades fell and a Rage Demon came bubbling up behind them.<p>

He had his sights set on Hawke and she cast a quick Glyph of Repulsion around herself. She effortlessly resumed her onslaught of lightning and basic attacks, while Anders cast ice spells on it. The other two warriors were following behind, cutting him down as he charged towards the female mage. The Rage Demon fell back at the edge of Hawke's spell and the others took him down quickly.

"Looks like we are in the right place," Fenris grumbled.

The companions made their way through the mansion. "Help me, he's gone mad!" A noble woman shrieked.

The man standing in front of the woman turned around to face the group. His eyes widened in shock, "you're not. . . Shit! You're not him. I can explain."

"Okay, let's see if you can talk yourself out of this," Hawke said crossing her arms over her chest.

The companions listened to the nobleman plead his case of innocence. "He's lying! He hurt me!" The noble squeaked pathetically.

Du Pois turned on the woman, "I have explained this to you already, Alessa, I needed a little bit of your blood in case he took you. That way I could track you down. It was for your protection."

Cullen stiffened beside Hawke. "Blood Magic," he spat. Du Pois turned to Cullen and grimaced. He had forgotten the templar in his need to reassure the hysterical woman. Taking advantage of her captive's inattention, she ran.

"She will go straight to the city guard!" Du Pois moved to follow her, but Cullen took a step to intercept him. "You have to believe me! The murderer killed my sister, and is now plaguing Kirkwall. I just want revenge. He sends white lilies before an attack and Alessa got hers this morning. She doesn't have a lot of time."Hawke sighed, she didn't think this man was the killer. His look of absolute shock when they first came in was what sealed that belief for her. He didn't look scared of being caught, just surprised that they weren't the person he had been waiting for. "Get out of here," Hawke said pointing to the door.

"Thank you!"

"Wait? You're serious? We are letting him go?" Cullen rounded on Hawke.

"I am not a templar, Knight-Captain. If you want him taken in for a blood mage, by all means, go to the Knight-Commander and tell her where he is," his charge replied coolly.

Cullen had no power here. His only responsibility was Hawke and the templar in he chafed at the cage. "Run, Malificar, and don't stop running until your feet are bleeding," he said through clenched teeth.

* * *

><p>The walk back to Hawke's estate was charged. Fenris and Anders fell back a few paces and started whispering heatedly. Cullen was in front of Hawke, back straight as a rod, and she could see him shaking with fury.<p>

Anders jogged up to her, "I am going to head on down to the Hanged Man, I need a drink." The healer looked back at the elf, who nodded in reply to the unsaid question.

Hawke mumbled something incomprehensible, and Anders reached over and put his hand on her shoulder reassuringly. "I will see you in the cellar tomorrow morning for more training? You were doing great out there earlier." Hawke nodded and tried to smile at the compliment. She wasn't sure if she would make it until morning, the templar was probably plotting ways to kill her and free himself of his charge. Anders gripped her shoulder one more time for good measure and broke away from the group.

Soon after that, the three of them reached the house. "Mind if I come in for a bit and warm up before heading home?" Fenris asked her.

"You can if you want, but I hope you won't be offended if I go straight to bed. It has been a long day and I need some sleep," she yawned just thinking about her warm bed.

"I will have Bodhan lock up after me," he said as they entered her home.


	10. Chapter 10

The two men were in the den by the fire. Hawke had just settled down and fallen asleep. Cullen looked at Fenris, "what?" he asked knowing the elf didn't just want to "warm up".

"I have traveled with Hawke for four years. She has made many choices that I didn't agree with. Her very being is something that I don't agree with," Fenris began. "But, she is the one who makes the tough choices when no one else will. She doesn't shrink away from her duty, and she doesn't even have to do most of these things that are asked of her. She probably doesn't want to have these responsibilities, and she still smiles and laughs with the rest of us. I respect her for being so strong, being selfless. By accepting her as my leader, I accept the choices she makes.

Cullen didn't exactly know where this was going, and he said so.

"When the Knight-Commander declared Hawke needed to be a charge for a templar handler, you took the oath. You chose to follow her. You don't have to agree with everything she does, but don't judge her so harshly. I don't know of another living soul capable of shouldering Hawke's burden. Do you?" Fenris glanced at the templar and saw the realization of his words sink home. The elf smiled smugly as he retreated from the estate.

* * *

><p>Cullen quietly walked up the stairs and into Hawke's bedroom. Fenris's words had struck a chord in the templar. It was easy to judge Hawke when he wasn't the one who had to make the decisions. The young apostate was sleeping soundly. She wasn't so young, 23 or 24? He was 26 and felt as if he were at least twice that.<p>

Hawke's eyes fluttered open and he saw a sweet smile part her lips. In an instant she stiffened, remembering the Du Pois incident. "I-is everything okay?" She mumbled sleepily.

"Yes, I didn't mean to wake you," a moment of hesitation, "I'm sorry for snapping at you earlier."

"It's okay," Hawke yawned and Cullen took his place in the chair next to her bed. She reached over and Cullen thought that she was going to grab his shirt, but her fingers wrapped around his hand. He smiled and welcomed the thrill her touch sent through him. He used his other hand to run through her hair until she fell asleep.

* * *

><p>Hawke awoke to find herself clutching Cullen's hand. He had fallen asleep in her chair. She smiled at the memory of him coming to apologize last night. She moved to pull away and Cullen's grip reflexively tightened on hers. His eyes snapped open. He realized what had woken him and released his hold. She smiled at him and hung her legs over the edge of the bed. He groaned as he stretched his protesting muscles and Hawke watched them ripple under his shirt.<p>

"You're drooling," Cullen teased.

Hawke's hand flew to her lips before she realized he was joking. Cullen burst into laughter as Hawke's face turned red from embarrassment. She reached over and pushed him playfully.

* * *

><p>"Focus on the group of barrels and imagine your lightning bolt hitting all three of them," Anders whispered trying not to break her concentration.<p>

She closed her eyes, keeping the image of the three barrels in her head. She reached into her pool and let the lightning sizzle through her fingers.

"There you go!" Cullen said smiling.

"Did I do it?" Hawke asked opening her eyes. She felt a little drained.

"Yep! We'll work on more barrels tomorrow, but that is a basic chain lightning," Anders said.

* * *

><p>"You are really going to just walk in here and accuse the Grand Cleric of supporting zealots on a confession from a severely beaten and drunk guard?" Cullen asked as they walked into the Chantry.<p>

"Don't forget the missing Qunari," whispered Hawke. That was hardly reassuring. "I need to speak with the Grand Cleric, tell her. . . tell her three Qunari enter an estate, and let her finish,," Hawke instructed an idle sister.

"Serrah Hawke," a familiar voice said.

Hawke turned to see who. "Sister Petrice?"

"Mother Petrice, time has changed us both."

* * *

><p>"I know Varnell," Cullen snarled. He was sent to serve the Chantry because he would goad the mages until they attacked him.<p>

Anders drew in a sharp breath and his eyes flashed between Justice and the healer.

Hawke put a gentle hand on his shoulder and the storm inside Anders calmed.

Cullen rolled his eyes at the mages, "can we go get Fenris, or something?"

"Aw, is the little Knight-Captain not used to being outnumbered by the spell casters?" Hawke cooed. The Templar snarled at her as she turned towards Fenris's mansion.

* * *

><p>"Nice place for a rally, Varnell," Anders snickered.<p>

"Petrice is here Somewhere," Hawke was sure of it.

"Wonderful," Anders added.

* * *

><p>"The Qunari have friends, Templar," Petrice threatened.<p>

"How about you fight someone who's weapons are not bound!" Hawke couldn't believe how bold the zealots had become.

"Templars are cowards, they only pick on people whose lives they already hold in their hands," Anders growled.

Cullen ignored the angsty mage. "Ser Varnell, lay down your arms," the Knight-captain commanded.

The templar smiled smugly and slit the throats of the Qunari delegates." I answer to a higher power," he said.

Hawke closed her eyes and tried not to vomit or faint. She reached into her magic pool of spells and imagined Ser Varnell surrounded by follwers. She heard their cries as the chain lightning struck home.

Cullen stood in front of her as she effortlessly switched between her new spells and her force spells. Anders stood with his back against hers casting at the zealots who were pouring in from behind them. Fenris stood in front of him, slicing through anything that got within his range.

"More coming down the stairs!" Cullen yelled penetrating Hawke's concentration. She imagined the stair way and let all of her energy out into on big chain lightning. Exhausted, she fell to her knees. Anders put his hand on her shoulder and hander her a Lyrium potion. "You are doing great!" He said looking over at the group of followers Hawke had just zapped down.

Her breath was coming fast and shallow as she tried to regain her energy, "Thanks," she drank down the potion and felt a little better. "We need to bring this to the Viscount's attention.


	11. Chapter 11

"I can't return the delegates bodies to the Arishok in this condition," the Viscount groaned. "Tell me, Serrah Hawke, you have had more dealings with the Qunari leader than I have. How should I handle this?"

The mage didn't hesitate, "do not hide this your, Excellency. The Arishok will know, and it will just make matters worse."

The Viscount sighed and massaged his temples," you're right. It seems the stress of this situation is impeding my sense on how to handle it civilly. Will you go to the Arishok, and explain what has happened here?" He asked, almost begging. The Viscount knew he put too much pressure and responsibility on the Apostate.

Cullen bit his tongue. The Arishok had tried to communicate peacefully. There was no way he would accept any one other than Hawke now. Still, she shouldn't have to do this.

Hawke smiled gently at Dumar. He was in an extremely tough spot and she couldn't start pouting now, her freedom depended on this. "We will leave right now."

* * *

><p>"I didn't think it possible, but I respect your Viscount even less, and yet he still remains in control of this city. Tell me, why have my delegates been returned to me in such a manner," The Arishok rumbled.<p>

"It is the abuse of zealots, trying to get the faithful to ally against you." Blunt with the Qunari leader had worked so far, she hoped it didn't back fire on her now.

"I accept that."

A collective sigh ran through the companions, "Well that was easy," Hawke said.

"You have not hidden the flaws of your kind and it is clear that you disagree with the way things are here. Panahadan, Hawke, I will keep one good thought about your kind."

The companions took that as their cue to leave and made a hasty retreat from the compound.

"What now?" Anders asked when they cleared the gate.

"We can't do anything more than that with the Qunari ordeal. We will just wait until we are summoned again. Since we are down here, let's ride over to The Gallows and let Emeric know what happened last night at the Du Pois Mansion.

* * *

><p>"Serrah Hawke?" A female templar asked in surprise when the group entered the courtyard.<p>

"Do we know each other?" Hawke ran through the list of known mage hunters and the only female one was Meredith.

"No, Serrah, I am a friend of Emeric's. He said that you asked him to meet with you later tonight."

"Did I say that?" Hawke turned to her companions thinking she had forgotten. None of them recalled her setting up a meeting with the Templar Investigator.

"You don't remember sending this letter?" The Templar retrieved a piece of parchment from one of her pouches.

The letter was definitely not her handwriting, but her name was signed at the bottom. "I didn't send this."

"Well, I don't know. Emeric has been acting very strange lately. He is a templar, not a city guard. _If _there are murders going on in Kirkwall, he doesn't need to be a part of it. " With that she saluted the Knight-Captain, who returned one in kind, and walked away.

Hawke looked at the sun as she gauged what time it was. It would soon be preparing it's descent towards nightfall. "It would be tacky if I was late for my own rendezvous. Let's go see what I have to say."

* * *

><p>The group walked into an ambush of demons. Emeric was motionless in the middle of their "meeting" alley, and Hawke wasn't sure if he was unconscious or dead. She tried to get to him to see what his condition was, but couldn't break away from the onslaught. A desire demon manifested behind her and she reached into her magic pool for a spell. She fumbled around, trying to grasp at an incantation, but she still hadn't recovered completely from her bust of power at the rally.<p>

She pelted the Desire demon with basic attacks and slowly backed closer to Fenris, who was slicing and dicing at two Shades.

Cullen watched Hawke's slow retreat, but he and Anders were working on a Rage Demon. He couldn't catch a break to go and help her.

The Healer glanced over at Hawke and quickly cast Frost on the Desire Demon, slowing her to a crawl. Hawke was able to put enough distance between herself and her pursuer, allowing her to turn away and help Fenris take the Shades down. By then, the Templar and mage team had finished the Rage and the four of them combined forces to destroy the Desire Demon.

Hawke caught her breath before she raced over to the fallen Templar, "Anders?"

The healer shook his head, "he's gone."

* * *

><p>The companions headed back to Hawke's estate. "Do you think it was Du Pois?" Cullen asked trying not to let the anger color his voice.<p>

"I don't know what to think," Hawke murmured. She hoped it wasn't Du Pois, but they had no other leads.

Hawke opened the door to her house, "Enchantment?" Sandal cried excitedly.

"No, Leandra. Lee-ann-dra." Her Uncle Gamlen raged.

Hawke sighed, was a quiet evening too much to ask for? "Yelling at him isn't going to help, you know," Hawke said as she entered the foyer.

"Thank the Maker, you're back!" Gamlen said. "Is your mother ill?"

"She seemed fine this morning," Hawke glanced back at Cullen and Anders to see if they had noticed anything out of sorts before they left.

"I don't even remember seeing your mother this morning," the Knight-Captain admitted guiltily. Come to think of it, neither had Hawke, some daughter she was.

"Well. today was our monthly meeting day and Leandra never showed up at my house. Is she home?"

"No, Serrah," Bodhan said stepping from the den, "She hasn't been home all day. I wouldn't be too worried though, she is probably just out with her suitor."

"Suitor?" Gamlen and Hawke exclaimed in unison.

The man servant wrung his hands nervously, "well, these white lilies came for her not long after you left and. . ." Bodhan continued talking, but Hawke couldn't hear over the blood pounding in her ears.

"Didn't Gascard say..." Cullen broke off his whisper when he saw Hawke nod shakily.

"Who?" Gamlen asked.

"We need to find her. She could be in danger," Hawke's voice quivered.

"No, no one would hurt Leandra!" Her uncle panicked. "I-I'll keep looking in Lowtown. She may have just taken a different path to my house and got lost," he reassured himself.

Hawke didn't think that was the case, but the alternative was too much for her to grasp. They followed Gamlen out of the estate.


	12. Chapter 12

They entered the Lowtown Market. It was empty of it's usual hustle and bustle, except for a small group of boys gathered around something on the ground.

"I'm telling you, this guy could not have lived. Look at all this blood, if he lost all that. . ." One of them trailed off in wonder.

"I know, but that old noble lady gave him her scarf to wrap around his wound so it would stop bleeding."

Hawke groaned. That sounded like something her mother would do. "Would you know what the lady looked like?" She asked hoping and not hoping it was her mother.

" Probably," the oldest of the group said as he eyed Hawke's attire. It wasn't glamorous, but it wasn't poor either.

Hawke didn't have time to barter. She took ten silver out of her purse. "Ten now and another ten if I like what I hear," she said quickly. The boys clamored excitedly over each other all of them giving a detailed description of Leandra. "Thank you, I will throw in five more if you tell me which direction they went,"

"The scarf didn't stop the bleeding for long. Just follow the trail."

Hawke paid as promised.

"I will go back to my house. Her good Samaritan work my have been the reason she was so late," Gamlen couldn't accept the fact that his sister might be in trouble and Hawke didn't have time to correct or comfort. She nodded and the group picked followed the trail of blood.

* * *

><p>"Let's see if we find more than just a pile of bones this time," Anders said as they entered the foundry where, a few years earlier, they had found the remains of Ninette.<p>

Fenris shot Anders a disapproving glance, but Hawke was hoping the same thing. "Mother has to be here somewhere."

They split up to search the foundry.

"I found something!" Fenris called from a back room. The other companions ran over to see the elf standing over a hidden door.

Without a word, Hawke lifted the door and made her way down the narrow flight of stairs.

The group didn't even have time to get their bearings before they were set upon by shades. They made short work of the lesser demons and were preparing to move on when Hawke saw a prone figure laying on the table.

"Mother?" she rushed over and shook the woman gently. Her head lolled to the side, an Hawke recognized Alessa.

"The noble from the Du Pois mansion?" Cullen asked.

Hawke sighed, "yes." She didn't have to consult Anders, she knew the woman was dead. Her mother had to still be alive. Hawke felt her flame of hope dwindle She pushed away and moved further into the Killer's Lair.

"The woman in that portrait. She… almost looks like mother," Hawke said dismally. "What is this place?"

"A shrine dedicated to a wife? A sister?" Anders offered.

"Look at these books: Necromancy. Blood magic." Cullen said as he looked through the bookshelves scattered around the room.

"We need to find her," Hawke pulled her self away from the portrait.

Something caught her eye as she went through a doorway. Hawke leaned down to examine it and choked back a sob when she realized it was a locket that her father gave her mother when the two had first met. Leandra wouldn't take that necklace off if the Maker himself had demanded her to do so. She blinked through the tears and put the precious item in her pack.

"You must be Marian, Leandra was so certain you would come for her.

Hawke took a moment to appreciate the fact that the crazy killer in front of her wasn't Gascard Du Poiis. "Mother always did know me best."

"Yes, what a sweet gentle woman. The final part of my masterpiece." He smiled at Hawke, "first I found her hands, then her feet. The skin was difficult to find, but eventually I found that too. Her face, however," the killer sighed. "My darlings face was so hard to find again. I had almost given up. I don't know if you will appreciate the irony of this as much as I do. You, Marian, were looking for me. And when I turned around to see what sort of problem you would pose, I found the beautiful face I have been searching for," he chuckled softly.

"You're right, the humor of this is lost on me. You should work on your punch line." She took a deep breath. Hawke used her sarcastic retorts to keep a grasp on sanity. Was this really happening. She was didn't want to hear anymore of his crazy puzzle project. "Look, you're crazy, I get it. Where is my mother?" She said through clenched teeth.

He continued the recap of his work, "I have touched the face of the Maker and I lived." The killer walked over to a chair that was facing away from the companions. He reached down and Hawke say a hand fall into his. The killer looked down lovingly. "Do you know what the most powerful force in the universe is?" He asked without looking up. "Love."

The person in the chair rose and Hawke fought the urge to retch when she saw her mother's face stitched onto a body that was not her own. The macabre figure was a combination of different women, sewn together like a child's rag doll.

Hawke's vision turned red with anger and the killer wrapped himself in a force field as he summoned his demon minions.

The fight was a blur to Hawke, as she dipped in her magic pool. The blood lust that coursed through her guided every attack. Spell after spell, wove from her fingers. Incantations spoke from her mouth, and wove the familiar attacks

The insane mage's force field weakened and Hawke turned her attention to him. He began to teleport out when Hawke slammed him against the ground with one of her force spells. She didn't even reach into her spell pool, the words formed of their own volition. Lightning sizzled and cracked through her towards her mother's torturer. He fell, but Hawke kept her barrage going. A hand clutched her shoulder and she lost her magical connection. She blinked and realized that the battle was over. Cullen was forced to nullify her magic, when she hadn't responded to his shouts.

"Ma-Marian?" Leandra asked weakly. Hawke watched her mother stumble forward on legs that weren't her own. The Apostate pulled away from Cullen take a step forward as the imposter's limbs gave out on her mother. Without the blood lust fueling her, Hawke was exhausted and collapsed under the weight of Leandra. She arranged her mother so her head was on her daughter's lap.

"M-mama," Hawke bit back a sob. "I'm sorry. I should have gotten her sooner."

Anders stepped forward, after a moment's examination he said, "There is nothing I can do. His magic was keeping her alive."

Hawke didn't trust her voice not to break, so she just nodded in understanding.

Leandra lifterd a hand and laid it against her daughter's cheek," don't fret darling, if you hadn't come, that man would have kept me alive down here." Hawke whimpered at her mother's words. "I will be with your brother and sister, and your father. But you will be alone." Leandra turned her head with effort towards the Knight-Captain. "You are a good man, templar. I was worried about you with her. Please, take care of my baby girl."

Cullen kneeled down beside her and took the woman's hand. "You have my word," he squeezed gently and then rose to give them the last moments alone together. Leandra nodded weakly.

"I am so proud of you, Marian. I love you."

"I love you too, Mama." A smile formed on Leandra Amell's lips and she let out her last breath. Hawke pulled her mother close against her and shook with the sobs that tore at her heart.

* * *

><p>Hawke shuffled forward. She didn't know where they were, but she trusted Cullen's hand on the small of her back. He absently rubbed slow circles against her and she leaned into him grateful for the support.<p>

The Knight-Captain turned to Anders and asked him if he would go to Gamlen's house and explain what happened. "Don't go into too much detail," Cullen told the healer.

"I have a clinic, dealing with the death of other's loved one's is a part of the job. I think I know what to say and what not to say," Anders fumed, glaring at the hand caressing Hawke's back.

Fenris smiled at Cullen when Anders stormed off. He knew that Hawke didn't need everyone crowding around her while she tried to cope with her mother's death. He thought that the Templar would be able to handle getting her home safely. He stopped when he saw one of the City Guards doing his night time rounds and mumbled something about seeing what Aveline wanted to do about collecting the body. Cullen nodded in thanks to the elf, and was glad that Hawke was so deep in herself that she hadn't heard.

When the reached the estate, he held the door open for her to enter, but she didn't move. Her knees trembled and he caught her around the waist before she fell. "I-I can't go in there," she whispered. Her mother wasn't in there. She wasn't in the foyer or the den or her bedroom. Leandra was in a foundry, in Lowtown, dead. Hawke gasped for air.

"Where do you want to go?" He asked gently.

She took a deep breath. Hawke didn't have anywhere else to go, and she wasn't about to make Cullen sleep out on the street with her. She reached over and grabbed his forearm for support. Her fingers ached from the pressure she was putting on him, but he didn't wince or ask her to loosen the vice. He just opened the door again and slowly walked in. His eyes didn't leave her face, if she changed her mind, he would take her back out until she was ready.

Bodhan was at the door and Cullen shot him a quick "this is not the time" glance to the dwarf. He nodded and moved to shut the door behind them. Hawke jumped at the sound and Cullen thought she was going to bolt, but she took another deep breath. They moved forward.

He led Hawke to the stairs and her eyes flew to Leandra's room. Her eyes went blank, as she sought refuge in her head. They began to climb them, and Cullen felt her hand tremble against his arm. He led Hawke to her bed and she sat on the edge. "Are you cold?" He asked her.

She didn't speak, just nodded. The Knight-Captain got the fire burning.

"I am alone," she whispered.

Cullen moved to sit next to her on the bed. "You're not alone, little mage. You are surrounded by people who care about you."

She laid down on her bed and sniffled. "It's not the same. My mother was the last person on all of Thedas who loved me."

Cullen was shocked by the sting her words caused, "you're wrong."

She snorted, "who, then? Gamlen? Anders? You?" She chuckled bitterly. Her tone was harsh and sarcastic. But the Knight-Captain heard some hope in her tone. Did he love her? He was surprised by how the thought filled him with warmth. She was so easy to love, but to claim it. To tell her he did, and let her make the next move. Let her decide if she wanted to love him back. He took a moment to settle his thoughts.

"Yes, me." She stared dumbly at him. He leaned down and kissed her on the forehead. She placed her hands on both sides of his head as he leaned over her and he claimed her mouth for his own. It wasn't light like their last kiss had been, but full of the need they felt for one another.

"Cullen," she whispered against his lips. She didn't want to stop, but she couldn't do this right now.

He saw the thought in her eyes, and pulled away slowly. "Get some sleep Hawke, you will feel better." He had to get out of there before he lost himself in those sweet blue eyes. Her lips were bruised from their kiss and he stroked them lightly with the pad of his thumb.

She smiled and he moved his hand to her hair, combing through the short black silk. She feel asleep, exhaustion taking her quickly. He tucked the blankets more tightly around her and went down to the cot waiting for him in the den.


	13. Chapter 13

Hawke reached out towards Cullen's chair and sighed sadly when her hand came up empty. She opened her eyes and looked around the room. She was alone. The sun was just starting to make it's appearance for morning, and she knew that she wasn't going to be able to go back to sleep.

Hawke felt the ache of her mother's death. There was nothing that Hawke could do to bring her back. She knew that she couldn't just stay cooped up in her bed and hide. Cullen was right, there were still people who cared about her. When the Hawkes had fled Lothering, there had been four of them. But she had built something for herself here in Kirkwall, it was her home now. Hawke had to keep going. She jumped from her bed and took the stairs two at a time; heading for the den. Cullen was awake, standing with his hands braced against the mantle, staring into the fire. He turned at her entrance, and watch Hawke approach him.

"Can't sle-" Hawke didn't let him finish. She took his face in both of her hands and kissed him hungrily. The Knight-Captain groaned into her mouth and pulled her tight against him. She started pulling at his night clothes and Cullen pushed her back reluctantly. She looked up at him, eyes clouded with her desire. He gently traced her chin, "Hawke?"

"Please?" she replied to the unasked question.

"Are you sure you want to do this right now?" Her expression last night had told him otherwise. She answered by pressing her lips against his, then his jaw, and down his neck to his shoulder. He closed his eyes against the pleasure burning through him, but he needed her to answer directly. He wasn't going to do this without knowing for sure she wanted it. "Hawke," he grabbed her by the shoulders and held her at arms length. "Are you sure?"

"Cullen, there are so many things going on in my life that I have no control over. I need to take something back. Yes, I am sure." She whispered looking down at the carpet.

He suppressed the shudder of excitement that ran through his body. The templar put his finger under her chin and forced her to look at him. "Is this all it is going to be then? This one time, for you to fill a void" He didn't know if he could handle that. For some reason, he couldn't think straight around her. He had already admitted to loving her, but she hadn't said so in kind. Cullen needed to know what she wanted from this. He remembered when he had confronted her about her relationship with Anders. Cullen wanted to kill him, if they did this, he didn't think that he would be able to see her with another man.

Hawke moved his hand to her cheek and held it their with both of hers. "I want this to be more than just a fling, Cullen," she whispered against his palm.

That was all he needed to hear, he pushed her against the wall next to the fireplace. He kissed her, all over her face and started to pull her clothes off. She made little noise against his neck as he nibbled on her earlobe. They let themselves go to their passions.

* * *

><p>He sat in the chair in front of the fireplace, Hawke had her legs thrown over the arms and sat nestled in his lap. "I love you, Knight-Captain," she whispered into his ear. A silly grin spread over his face and he kissed her on the forehead. She tilted her head back and a sigh of pleasure slipped from her throat.<p>

"There is a messenger here from. . .Oh ancestors, I'm sorry," Bodhan said as he whirled around to leave the two alone.

Cullen groaned and ended the kiss with Hawke. She slipped off his lap, running her tongue over her bruised lips. With a disappointed sigh, she turned to her manservant.

"From…" her voice was husky so she cleared her throat and tried again, "from who?"

"The Viscount, Serrah," he said through the partially shut door.

Hawke was still in her bed clothes, "tell him to wait in the Entrance Hall, while I make myself presentable."

"As you say," Bodhan said with a smile in his voice. They could hear him relaying the message to the Viscount's servant.

Cullen reached out for her as she went to the door. He caught Hawke's arm and slowly brought her back, to hold her against him. His placed his forehead against hers, and just stood there.

They fell back into a comfortable silence. "Before we do whatever the Viscount needs done, let's go to the chantry. I want to light a candle for my mother," she whispered.

Cullen nodded. "I think she would like that," he said remembering the night Leandra had sent Cullen to their estate all those years ago.

Hawke reluctantly pulled away and went up to her room to put on her robes. When she came back down to the Foyer, Cullen was in a heated discussion with the messenger. "Does the Viscount not know that she just lost her mother last night?" He growled.

"I don't know, Ser Knight," the young boy replied nervously.

"Well, the least he can do is give the girl a day or two to mourn the loss," The Knight-Captain took a step towards the boy.

"Cullen, he is just doing what he was told. If there is a problem with doing what the Viscount wishes, then I will address it when we get to the keep. Don't tear the poor boys head off," Hawke walked down the stairs smiling kindly at the messenger.

"Thank you, Serrah. The Viscount wishes to speak with you. He didn't tell me any details, but he said that you were the only person he could trust with this," the boy bowed and waited patiently to see if she had a reply.

She did, "tell him, that my mother has recently passed and that I would like to light a candle for her at the Chantry, when I am done, I will come to him."

The boy nodded mouthing the words back to himself, so he wouldn't forget.

* * *

><p>Hawke placed her hand in Cullen's as they climbed the stairs to the chantry. When they reached the top she took a deep breath and released his hand after giving it a tight squeeze. She straightened her posture and walked into the building with her head held high. He felt a swell of pride puff his chest and he walked a step behind her as she entered the holy building.<p>

He watched her kneel before her candle, and pray. She protected the flickering flame, like her life depended on it.

"Knight-Captain?" Grand-Cleric Elthina said as she approached.

"Your Grace," Cullen tore his gaze from the apostate and bowed low to the woman.

A warm smile crossed her lips when she glanced over at Hawke. "It's a beautiful thing to see, isn't it?"

Cullen couldn't agree more. He looked back at her and was unable to hide his smile. "You care a great deal for her." It wasn't a question, The Grand Cleric could see in his eyes how much he cared for the mage. "I know that I am the last person who should be saying this, but that woman is a good person. I think that if you two were to be together, it would mean great things for both sides." Without further explanation she walked away. Cullen stared after open mouthed. The Grand Cleric would approve of an Apostate and a Templar? He chuckled softly, Elthina was not what he would have expected.

Hawke rose from her candle and wiped a tear from her cheek. She turned to him and nodded.

* * *

><p>Hawke and Cullen walked into the Viscount's Office. The Knight-Captain didn't think that she needed to be doing this right now, but Hawke knew that if she stayed cooped up in that house all day, she would lose her sanity. Not to mention the fact that Hawke wasn't interested in spending another day in The Gallows , so any urgent news from the Viscount was something she needed to address quickly.<p>

"The boy told me about your mother, I am sorry for your loss," The Viscount said when they sat in the chair across from his desk.

Hawke nodded, she hadn't come to terms with the loss yet of course, but she was taking steps in the right direction. "Thank you, your grace. There was something that you wished to speak with me about?"

"Yes, it seems the Qunari are no longer seeking to interfer in my political life, but my personal life as well. My son Seamus has left to follow the Qun."

"Hawke, a moment?" Aveline beckoned as the mage was heading out to try and talk some sense into the Viscount's boy. She knew that it was futile to argue with the Guard-Captain, so her can Cullen walked into her office. "I don't care what else is going on, how are you holding up?"

"I have a msile on my face, that should be enough for most people."

"That won't work on me," Aveline replied.

"What do you want me to say, Aveline? My mother is dead. The sun is going to set and fall with or without my mother here." She let out a shaky breath. "I will always miss her, but that's not going to stop time. I have an Arishok to baby sit and the son of the Viscount to drag back home to daddy." She should have listened to Cullen and taken the day off.

Aveline nodded, "Do you mind if I tag along with you today?

Hawke knew the Guard-Captain was just trying to look after her friend. Hawke smile, "I don't mind at all."

* * *

><p>"The boy is not even here. He just received a letter from his father asking him to meet at the Chantry. Tell me, why would the Viscount send you, and the message?" The Arishok asked.<p>

"The Chantry? Why would the Viscount seek the aid of the faithful?" Cullen wondered aloud.

"He wouldn't, but we know who would. Mother Petrice," Hawke spat the name.

"A suspect in many things. I will suffer only one outcome," The Qunari leader growled.

"I agree"

"Panahadan, Hawke, I will be watching."

By the time the three of them reached the Chantry, night had fallen and the doors were locked. "I need to get in there," Hawke said to herself. Aveline walked up to the large double doors and pounded on them.

"By order of the Guard-Captain," she hesitated and looked at the templar, "and Knight-Captain Cullen, we ask permission to enter." She looked at him and shrugged, "your order holds more sway here."

Cullen chuckled. He hadn't gotten the opportunity to travel with Aveline yet, and he thought that she wasn't too bad.

The doors opened and Sebastian stood before them. "Weren't you just here this morning, Hawke? It must have been quite a day for you to seek the Maker twice, and at such a late hour." he teased gently.

"Hmm, should I have made an appointment with Him? I didn't think the Maker had a sleep schedule. Besides, it is never to late to confess one's sins," she smiled at the Prince of Starkhaven.

Sebastian laughed, "well, if you need to confess, I would be more than happy to listen. Come inside and we can discuss why you are really here. I have a feeling it is not to seek the Maker's guidance."


	14. Chapter 14

**Author's note: I just wanted to say thank you to all who have left reviews :D I am putting this out here for you guys and I really appreciate your contribution.**

Seamus kneeled in at the feet of the Statue of Andraste. Sebastian had insisted he not be interrupted.

"Priest, the boy is not breathing," Cullen whispered after a few minutes of watching Seamus intently.

"Surely you are mistaken, Knight-Captain," the holy man protested.

Hawke watched the Viscount's son and sighed. Cullen was right, she stepped forward and shook Seamus gently. He slumped onto his side, the light of life no longer in his eyes, making them look glossy. As if on cue, a group approached the companions. Petrice lead them to the foot of the alter.

"The Viscount's son, murdered here in the Chantry! Serrah Hawke, can you explain what is going on here?"

"I could ask you the same thing Petrice," Hawke replied coolly. She was fully aware that the Mother was trying to lay the blame at the mage's feet. "If you wish to see the true culprit, look to your leader."

"You dare?" The Mother gasped.

"_You _dare?" Sebastian asked, stepping forward. Petrice's eyes widened at the sight of her fellow priest, but she had come to far.

Turning to her gatherers Petrice said, "prove yourself worthy. These traitors wish to see the Chantry brought to it's knees in front of the Qunari! Earn your reward for this life and the next." The small group charged forward and Hawke watched Petrice run off into the deeper parts of the Chantry.

"Enough blood has been spilled her tonight. Aim to stun, not kill," Hawke instructed her companions. They sighed in relief at the apostate's request. Thankfully, most of the enemies were not skilled in combat. Their leader had been a templar, and Cullen was forced to kill him, but he was their only casualty. When all of the mislead zealots lay unconscious or had fled, Petrice returned with the Grand Cleric.

"See, Grand Cleric, they defile everything the Chantry stands for," Hawke turned to the voice and watched them walking down the stairs.

"It is just as you said young mother, too true," Elthina replied knowing all was not as it seemed.

"She is on to you Petrice, lie harder.," the apostate snickered.

"Don't spout your Qunari filth," the corrupt mother spat.

"Hold your tongue!" Sebastian growled, taking a threatening step towards her.

Elthina shook her head in disappointment as she took in the scene and saw the slain boy and templar.

"Your Grace, may I speak?"" The Knight-Captain inquired.

" Ser Knight, I can see what has been done here, but if you have something to add, then please."

"You should know that Hawke asked us to save these people even when they would not have shown us the same kindness. The templar refused to take a direct order from his superior and continued to press the attack against me until I was forced to lose my life or take his," Cullen said.

"I'm sorry that the man had to die. Is what the Knight-Captain says about your wish for mercy true, Serrah?" The Grand cleric asked the apostate.

Hawke, suddenly shy, nodded in reply.

"She is indeed something else," Elthina said pointedly at Cullen. "I know what Mother Petrice has done here is wrong, but she answers to the law. In this life and the next. I see you have the Guard Captain with you. Please, take the young mother into custody and let the courts decide her faith," the Grand Cleric said and swept passed the condemned.

"Grand Cleric?" Petrice begged, "Grand Cleric!" she repeated when she was ignored.

Aveline stepped forward to arrest the mother when an arrow zipped by and planted into Petrice's forehead. Another followed and landed next to the first, and she fell to her knees. "The Qunari take care of their own," the archer said as he retreated from the Chantry.

"Please, send for Viscount Dumar," Elthina whispered sadly a she finished making her way up the stairs.

* * *

><p>"This isn't over, your Excellency. Kirkwall needs you to be strong," Hawke said to the Viscount. That's the argument that kept her going after she had lost so much, she was hoping it would work for him.<p>

It didn't, "I have failed where it matters most," the man whispered with a shaky voice.

How had this man been Viscount? She had never had a child to lose, but compared to everything that Hawke had lost since she came here, she understood grief. She couldn't afford to fall prey to it though.

This wasn't even her home, and she still fought for it.

"Guard-Captain, do whatever needs to be done to get the Chantry back to rights," Aveline saluted and left without a word. "Leave me, Hawke." Dumar said as he rocked Seamus in his arms, and lost himself to his grief.

* * *

><p>"Murder in the Chantry, with a Revered Mother as the culprit. The Viscount doesn't seem like he is going to be much help from here on out. What now?" Cullen asked. If this didn't go the right way, Hawke would be locked in The Gallows. He would be able to protect her in there, but she wasn't made for a cage.<p>

"The Arishok is the one to worry about now. So, we clean up and wait for trouble to find us," Hawke said as she opened the door to her estate.

The two of them walked into the house and were greeted by yelling. Hawke sighed, she was doomed to never have a peaceful night. "Ladies. Please!" Bodgan begged. The apostate saw Aveline and heard Isabela swear vehemently at the Guard-Captain. When Hawke caught sight of the pirate, she was reaching to pull her daggers free.

"Are there any good seats left?" Hawke asked as she jogged into the room, to attempt to defuse the situation.

The two women ignored the comment and rounded on Hawke, talking over each other.

The mage threw her hands up to silence them. "I heard Arishok and killed. How about we take turns."

Aveline step forward, "the Arishok has allowed two elven murderers to join the Qun. They are under his protection and he won't let us near them. The family of the deceased wants to see justice for their son. With what just happened in the Chantry, we won't have organized zealots, but an angry mob running wild in the streets."

Hawke nodded and raised an eyebrow at the pirate, "your turn."

"I found the relic. A contact of mine, Wall-eyed Sam, has it. He is going to sell it to some Imperium Magistar tonight. This may be my last chance, and if I don't get Castilllon his relic soon, he is going to kill me."

"I am trying to save an entire city of people who are on the brink of war, and you are worried about your own hide!" Aveline yelled.

"Well, the relic might have something to do with all this," Isabela said quietly.

"What? Now you are trying to be responsible? Shit." The Guard-Captain groaned.

"I am just saying that someone wants it, right? It might be important," the other woman replied defensively.

Hawke looked to Aveline, "are the villagers sharpening their pitchforks and sending for torches yet?

"No, so far the situation is still under control. But it won't be for long."

"It will last the night at least," their leader turned to Isabela. "You know where the exchange is happening?"

She nodded.

"Aveline, finish up taking care of the Chantry mess. We will go get Fenris and get Isabela her relic. Then, we will talk to the Arishok in the morning."

"You trust her that much?" Aveline asked.

Before Hawke could answer, the pirate chuckled in relief," probably not, I wouldn't. Come on, they are meeting in Lowtown."


	15. Chapter 15

Cullen contemplated his charge as they made their way into Lowtown.

One minute she was struggling to light fireballs and biting her sweet lower lip as she concentrated on learning to cast lightning bolts. Innocent.

Then, she was under him, both riding the waves of pleasure. Beautiful.

Now, she juggled everyone's needs and no one left the situation disappointed.

"Pretty impressive, isn't she?" Cullen blinked as Fenris finished his thoughts.

"The way she works through all of this, yes. It is impressive indeed," the templar replied.

"How is she doing?" the elf asked concerned.

Cullen's thoughts drifted to Hawke coming to him that morning and smiled, "she is better. She knows that there is nothing she can do to change what happened to Leandra. Hawke just pushes forward."

Fenris nodded, noting the templars smile, but chose not to comment, "good."

The Knight-Captain looked back at Hawke. He caught himself staring intently at the sway of her hips and remembered how they felt between his hands. "Yes, very impressive." Everything they shared kept floating into his thoughts. He pressed his fingers to his lips, trying to recreate the sensation, unsuccessfully. Fenris chuckled at him. Culled tried to push his thoughts elsewhere, once again he was not successful.

"If the Arishok asks why we killed his men, we will tell him it was an accident," Hawke said

"Yes, about that, they might be looking for the relic too, since, I, um stole it from them," Isabela whispered, digging the toe of her boot into the dirt. "It's a book written by that philosopher of theirs. Kostland, Cousland. . ."

"Koslun?" Fenris offered.

"That's the one!"

"The most revered being in their history? The founder of their religion? That relic would be valuable beyond measure to the Qunari!" The elf exclaimed.

"Yes, well, I stole it from them. They followed me to Kirkwall. Now they want it back and won't leave without it,"

Hawke reached up and rubbed her eyes with her thumb and forefinger. "Well, of course they want it back!"

Isabela looked at Hawke angriliy, "If I don't get that relic to Castillon he is going to kill me! They only reason you want it is to save your own hide from The Gallows!"

"It is your fault she even has to worry about being thrown into the Gallows!" Cullen snapped stepping toward the pirate threateningly. Hawke grabbed his hand and he calmed beside her.

"You need to give that tome back to the Qunari," Fenris said.

Hawke didn't say anything, she knew that the pirate had to return the relic, but she was right. The mage didn't want to go to the Gallows.

Isabela sighed, "I know. Come on, they are in this building here."

* * *

><p>Wall-eyed Sam was not about to die in a battle against the Imperium and Qunari. He grabbed the relic and pushed passed the companions as they entered. "He's getting away!" Isabela yelled and dashed after him.<p>

"Isabela!" Hawke turned to follow.

"Hawke!" Cullen yelled, stepping in front of his charge to take the enemy spell caster's blow. He barely had enough time to throw his magical resistances up.

They pulled out their weapons and prepared to fight.

* * *

><p>"She's gone," Hawke crumpled the note Isabela left on Sam's body.<p>

"Once a thief, always a thief," Fenris accused.

"She couldn't have gotten far. We could try and follow her," Cullen said.

That wouldn't end pretty and Hawke wasn't about to have the blood of someone she had considered a friend on her hands. "It doesn't matter. Aveline will be waiting for us at the Compound in the morning. Let's just continue as planned." Which was no plan at all, but she would figure something out. She had to.

* * *

><p>Cullen easily got the fire going in Hawke's fireplace. She sat in her bed with her hands wrapped around her knees. She rested her cheek against them and stared off, lost in her thoughts.<p>

The Knight-Captain was fuming over Isabela's actions tonight. "Why would she do this?"

"Her life depended on that relic."

"So does yours," Cullen retorted

"No, my freedom depends on the outcome of this situation. That relic wasn't in the game plan, until tonight. This isn't over yet." Hawke replied.

"Do you have a game plan?" The Knight-Captain asked, sitting at her feet.

Hawke stretched her legs out so they were on his lap. "Maybe I will just join the Qun," she said playfully.

Cullen's face turned serious, "have you seen their mages? You would be better off in the Gallows."

Hawke shuddered, seeing the collared Sarabas, the Qunari word for mage, in her mind's eye. "Let's just see what happens with the Qunari tomorrow."

* * *

><p>"The Arishok will not meet with such a large force," the gate keeper said to Aveline.<p>

"Well, how about Hawke and a two of my guards?" She replied

"That is acceptable."

"No, it is not," Cullen said stepping in front of Aveline. "Hawke is my charge and she is not to leave my side." He wouldn't let her go in there without him. If she were to get hurt in there, Cullen would never forgive himself.

The mage in question rounded on him, "not right now, Knight-Captain. I think that we should just do what the nice Qunari ask."

"The terms have been agreed to Bas. Stand aside," the Qunari gatekeeper said in what would have been considered a calm voice, if he hadn't been reaching for his weapon.

" 'A templar handler does not abandon his charge. After he has taken his vows, the only way they will be separated is in death.'" Cullen quoted a piece of the oath he had sworn and began to draw his weapon.

Fenris stepped forward, placing a hand on the templar's shoulder, he spoke to the Qunari, "Hawke is Sarabas, this man is her assigned Ashad. Would the Qunari tolerate such an insult?"

The gatekeeper hissed and stepped away from the mage, as if she were contagious, "I have heard of you Serrah Hawke, the Arishok claims you to be Basilit-an, deserving of respect, but you are Sarabas. Why would the Arishok deem you so worthy of respect." He nodded to Cullen, "do not leave her unattended, human. Qunari are not as forgiving as your kind are with mages."

Cullen nodded and grabbed Hawke by the elbow to lead her to meet the Arishok. She sighed and fell into step beside him.


	16. Chapter 16

"Arishok, we are here to discuss the elven fugitives you have in your care," Aveline said.

"Irrelevant, I would speak to Hawke about the relic that was within my reach and now has disappeared once again," the Qunari Leader said, not even looking at the Guard-Captain.

Hawke had already practiced this answer, "my former companion stole it." Direct, just how the Arishok liked to handle things.

"Her part is clear, your admission is. . . welcome," he replied with a hint of respect.

"An issue for another time," Aveline cut in, trying to get the conversation back on track. "These elves that you shelter are known fugitives. They are not above the law."

"They have chosen to follow the Qun, thus putting them under my protection."

"They are murderers, do they really believe in your ways, or are they just here for the protection part?" Hawke asked.

The Arishok nodded, "that is a fair question, let's have a look at your fugitives." Two elves stepped forward, "tell them why you are here."

"We seek a life where everyone is treated as they should be. The Qun offers that," one elf said.

"Tell them of the murder you committed," The leader prompted.

"Our sister was attacked and assaulted by that nobleman. We went to the city guard and they did nothing. So, we decided to take matters into our own hands and paid him a visit."

"Hawke?" The Arishok said, asking her thoughts on the situation.

It sounded just like what happened with her mother. Hawke turned to Aveline, "is this true?"

"There have been rumors, but that doesn't excuse murder."

"What would you have done, Hawke?" The Arishok was practically reading her thoughts.

"I have done the same thing," the apostate replied.

Aveline tensed beside her friend, "this is not helping."

Hawke's freedom depended on this, "I'm not going to lie for you, Aveline."

"Do you think I should release these elves back to your city's form of justice?"

"No," they would probably be executed for a crime that she didn't even get a slap on the wrist for.

"Why not just leave?" Cullen asked. Hawke squeezed her eyes shut, Fenris should have let the Knight-Captain stay outside.

The Arishok looked at the templar as if seeing him for the first time, "It is clear that you are Hawke's Ashad, but that doesn't give you the right to speak in my presence. I cannot leave without the Tome of Koslun." He turned his gaze back to Hawke, "there is only one other course of action we can take."

The Qunari around the small group began to shift restlessly. Cullen and Aveline moved closer to their spell casting leader, both had their hands ready to draw steel.

"Arishok, it doesn't. . ." The Qunari leader put his finger in front of Aveline's face, silencing her. He looked one last time at Hawke, then turned to his people. He issued commands in his harsh tongue, and spears started flying towards them. One of the Guardsman fell in the first wave. The Guard-Captain tripped over his falling body and barely had time to slash one down with her sword as it flew towards her. Cullen pulled Hawke against his chest with his free hand around her waist. She saw a spear land where she had been standing only a moment before. She looked up at him and her eyes widened. She had just enough time to cast a force field around them before they were kabob'd. A Qunari charged toward their group and ran the other guard through with his sword.

"Go, go!" Aveline shouted fighting the melee threat.

Cullen released his hold on her and turned to help Aveline finish the Qunari off. Hawke pushed her force field out to guard the two captains from the spears raining down. The apostate glanced over at the Arishok, who was watching her intensely. "Hawke!" Cullen yelled. He was tempted to throw her over his shoulder and run them out of there, but she turned away from the leader and they fled the compound.

When they reached the other side of the gate, several Qunari laid dead. "Our friends aren't going to return to Seheron peacefully, it seems," Fenris said as he wiped the blood from his blade on one of the dead giants. "Let's get some where relatively safe, and I will tell you all about," Hawke said. The companions dashed up the stairs of the docks into Lowtown.

The steady beat of marching feet followed them. Hawke lead her friends into a dark side alley. They held their breath as an army of horned giants, their leader at the head, passed them.

"The Arishok must have been planning this for some time," Fenris said after the last of the Qunari passed.

Aveline rounded on Hawke, "I don't know if you missed the point of that meeting when I briefed you last night, but it was to bring those elves into custody!"

Hawke's eyes burned bright with anger, "then what, Guard-Captain? I did the same thing to mother's killer. Does a noble mommy and daddy have to complain for you to consider what I did a crime? If so, please take me into custody, because us confronting the Arishok on behalf of the City Guard is what seems to have pushed this whole damn situation over the edge! If I have to choose between the city jail and the Gallows, I am guilty. At least I don't have to worry about the Rite of Tranquility!" Hawke growled.

"So, this is about me not arresting you!" Aveline asked

"No, this is about the City Guard failing to protect it's people! You knew that was what they had done, did you think, in good conscious, I could have condemned those men to death while I walked free?" The mage surprised all of them by losing her temper. She looked at her companions and sighed heavily. Cullen reached over and rubbed her neck gently. She relished in the feel of his hands on her for a moment, then pulled away. "I'm sorry Aveline, let's not worry about this now. We have a city to save."

The Guard-Captain nodded, "we should head to the keep, rally my guards."

The companions fought their way through Lowtown and made it into the Hightown Market. Hawke threw her hand out, issuing a silent order to hold. Two Qunari dragged a struggling woman toward the stairs leading deeper into the district.

Hawke reached into her magic pool and cast Chain Lighthning on them. The attack caught the captors unaware and the two giants released their hold on the noblewoman. Hawke had become a little more skilled in her manipulation of that spell and was able to protect her from being hit by the attack. The woman didn't hesitate, scrambling to her feet, she dashed passed the companions.

"The Arishok was unsuccessful in claiming you? Unfortunate," the sten said when he had recovered from the shock.

They fought multiple waves of the Qunari, until finally no more came out to fight them. The companions began to push forward, when a Sarabas appeared. He cast a shock orb that sent all four of them flying. Hawke crashed into a vendor stand and it took her several seconds to disentangle herself from the merchandise. When she was finally free, she saw the Qunari mage advancing on her. Hawke fumbled for a spell. The Sarabas was gaining on her and she closed her eyes in an attempt to concentrate. She heard a sick ripping sound and opened her eyes to see a blade stabbed through the Sarabas's gut. It fell to it's knees and she didn't have time to feel relief. Her savior was Knight-Commander Meredith.


	17. Chapter 17

"I see things didn't go quite as the Viscount hoped," she said to the apostate. Hawke's comrades quickly closed ranks around their mage leader.

"Well, maybe not, but it's not over yet, Meredith. I am on my way to meet with the Arishok and we are going to discuss this over a nice pot of tea," The mage's panicked sarcasm spewed from her mouth before she had a chance to remind her brain who they were talking to.

"We don't have time for this. Help me save the city from your mess," she snapped at Hawke.

"What for? I am doomed to the Gallows anyway." Cullen winced at Hawke's response.

"Listen to me very carefully, Apostate. It is rumored that you run with more of your kind. Help me, or they will fall into the Gallows with you." The mage glared hatred at the woman, but she bit her tongue on any retorts. "Good girl, there are more of my order heading this way. Knight-Captain, take your charge and her companions to the Viscount's Keep. We will meet you there." Cullen saluted his superior and they headed forward.

"I understand what that woman is trying to do, but she threatens you again, Hawke, and it will be the last time she speaks," Fenris growled.

"Let's just focus on the Qunari for now, we can worry about the Knight-Commander later," Hawke didn't want to tell the elf that Meredith wasn't making threats, she was making promises.

Cullen couldn't look at the mage. As her Handler, it would be his duty to bring her in. He didn't know if he could do it.

They reached the stairs outside of the Viscount's Keep. A group of Qunari stood over one of their fallen victims and he raised his weapon to deal the killing blow. Hawke quickly cast Pull of the Abyss, dragginig the group away from the citizen. She released the spell and her companions jumped into their ranks before the enemies could get their bearings.

Once again, they cut down wave after wave of Qunari. The last enemy hadn't even hit the ground, before Hawke was running towards the person they had saved.

It was an older elven man. Hawke felt for his pulse and the man pulled his hand from hers to cradle his aching head.

"First-Enchatner Orsino? Cullen asked a he helped the man to his feet.

"Knight-Captain Cullen?" The mage questioned.

"None of the others made it," Fenris reported walking away from one of the nearby corpses.

"N-no, I told them to run," Orsino closed his eyes after looking around at his fallen students in disbelief.

"Orsino! It's good to see you've made it," Meredith's voice proclaimed barely concealing her sarcasm. The Knight-Commander approached with about ten templars at her back.

"Meredith," was all the mage said of his relief at seeing her.

"We need to get into the Keep to see what the situation is there. Follow me." She began walking toward the building without looking back to see if they were going with her.

Hawke shrugged at her companions and headed up the stairs.

* * *

><p>"Knight-Captain, you have escorted the apostate during her dealings with the Qunari. What do you think we should do?" Meredith asked.<p>

Cullen turned to Hawke, "Opinions?" The Knight-Commander glared at him.

She peaked around the corner, distraction or frontal assault? "The Arishok probably assumes we have survived. I don't know what to expect inside, but I would rather not risk a serious injury out here, when a confrontation with him is almost guaranteed. Let's try a distraction."

Cullen looked back at the Knight-Commander, "she has been the one who has handled all of this so far. I think that she knows best."

"Yes, her judgment has brought done wonders so far, what could go wrong?" Meredith replied heatedly. She turned back to the First-enchanter "and just what did you have in mind?"

Orsino stepped around the corner, "have confidence, Knight-Commander."

The Circle mage let a fireball loose into the unsuspecting Qunari guards. A large cloud of smoke appeared around the enemies and Hawke took the opportunity to run for the pillars lining the sides of the open corridor. The First Enchanter slowly drew the Qunari back towards Meredith and her group of templars. Once the companions heard the clash of steel on steel, they ran to the double doors of the Keep.

There were no guards posted inside. They heard screams of shock coming from inside the throne room and Hawke ran up the short flight of stairs and into the room that lead to the one the screams had come from. She pushed the doors open and entered the large chamber. An audience of nobles stood around the severed head of the Viscount.

"Serrah Hawke, I was hoping you would make it." The Arishok said with his sword over his shoulder like a lumberjack. "You alone have proven yourself worthy to be called Basalit-an. This is what respect looks like, Bas. Most of you will never earn it." He announced to the crowd of hostages

Hawke glared at the Arishok, "this is a bit much, don't you think? Your taking the 'make yourself at home' thing a little too far."

"I have watched your city rot from the inside out, I have been forced to not only witness your atrocities, but have suffered them as well. I have had enough. You know that I cannot go home without the relic, Hawke. What would you have me do?"

The mage didn't know how to answer. Thankfully, a commotion behind her drew everyone's attention. "I think I can answer that one, big guy," Isabela declared, striding into the throne room. She turned to Hawke, I'm sorry I got her a little late, it took awhile to get back. Then when I got here, I had to fight my way through. There is a pretty intense fight going on outside."

Hawke thought about the First-Enchanter and Meredith out there fighting a small army. She hoped Orsino would be okay. The mage turned to her friend, "selfless acts from the Pirate Queen? Isabela, what will people think?"

"This is your damned influence, Hawke!" Isabela retorted. She strode up to the Arishok. "Here take your cursed relic!"

"The Tome of Koslun," relief flooded the Arishok's words. "We will take the Tome and the thief back to Seheron."

"What?" Isabela and Hawke said in unison.

"You thought you could strand them here for four years without consequence?" Fenris piped in.

"Oh no," Aveline smoldered, "she will be punished according to our laws."

"Hawke you are Basalit-an. If you do not agree with my choice, let's at least settle this honorably. A fight to the death, you and me. With this thief as the prize."

"If I win, what of your people here?" The mage asked.

"They will return to Seheron, with the Tome."

"And if you win?"

"Then, you are dead," the Arishok replied.

"Wait, if you want to duel, face me!" Isabela said stepping in front of Hawke.

"You are not worthy," the Qunari leader replied.

"No Hawke," Cullen grabbed her by her shoulders and spun her around to face him. "You don't need to do this!"

Hawke smiled sadly up at him, "there are worse things than death." The Knight-Captain shook her gently, then bent down and pressed his lips hard against hers. She wasn't going to throw the fight, so many people counted on her, but if she did lose at least she wouldn't be in the Gallows.

"Well?" The Arishok asked.

Cullen broke the kiss. Hawke pressed her hand against his cheek, then turned to the Arishok. "Let's dance."


	18. Chapter 18

The noble hostages were ushered up the stairs by the Viscount's seat. Hawke's companions stood on the second step and a line of Qunari guards formed a wall in front of them.

The Arishok and Hawke positioned themselves on the first floor of the throne room, facing each other from opposites sides. He nodded at Hawke and she returned the gesture. Here we go, she thought. The Qunari leader charged the mage hoping to pin her against one of the support pillars. She was far enough to roll out of his line and when he recovered from the failed charge, they began to circle the room cautiously.

The mage threw a few basic attacks to gauge how quickly the Arishok would respond. He was pretty slow, but the man was a fortress. He didn't even miss a beat in their circle dance. His eyes narrowed and he thrust forward with his off hand blade. Hawke stepped back, missing the blow. She waited for him to attack again, and when he did she watched his eyes narrow again. The mage nearly whooped for joy. Nice poker face, Champ! She thought.

Quickly, she dropped and rolled backwards, she spoke the incantation for her Thunder Bolt spell. She landed on her feet and pointed her staff at the Qunari. The spell crackled around him.

He fell to his knees and Hawke didn't let up. Basic attack, thunder, and repeat. This is it? She thought.

Suddenly, the Arishok glared at her charged. Hawke had been so deep in her magic pool, she didn't even see the move until they were nose to nose and slamming into the wall.

Hawke's breath left her lungs in a whoosh of air. The weight of the Arishok pinned her to the crater the force of the impact had on the stone.

* * *

><p>"Hawke!" Cullen shouted and he started to move to aid her. Fenris grabbed him before the Qunari guard even turned around.<p>

"Stop and take a look at the odds stacked against us, Knight-Captain," he whispered fiercely. "Qunari out number the five us. We can let Hawke fight this, where there is at least a chance of victory, or we can all die and the Qunari will still take Kirkwall."

The templar clenched his fists and watched as the Arishok was dragged off of her.

* * *

><p>All Hawke needed was some air to speak her next spell. "Hawke!" Cullen's voice yelled. She painfully gasped in a breath and whispered the incantation for Pull of the Abyss. The Arishok fought against it, and Hawke thought he would resist the spell all together. But slowly he lost his ground and started sliding towards the center of it.<p>

Hawke's breathing was shallow and she knew that at least one of her ribs was broken from the way it hurt. The mage began to cast another spell, but the Arishok picked up the Viscount's crown during his backwards crawl and threw it at her. It crashed next to Hawke's head against the wall and the noise startled her out of the concentration she needed to cast. The Arishok took two steps forward, her spell was waning. Hawke quickly dipped into her mind and reached into her spell pool, desperate to cast something. Too late, the Arishok had gotten close enough to strike. He lashed at Hawke with an "X" slice of his blades. She was against the wall and couldn't jump back, but her instincts kicked in and she was able to slip out of her mind and roll to the side. His off hand blade slashed diagonally across her back, from shoulder to hip. She screamed and almost faltered, but was able to finish her maneuver. She sat in a crouch, unable to move.

Isabela growled in frustration and went to push through the line. They grabbed her just as she jumped over them, bringing her to her knees in front of them. "Hawke, Damn it all! Get up! Don't you dare die. Turn and fight!" The pirate didn't care if the Qunari took her, she hadn't come back just to see her friend die.

The mage couldn't move. She heard Isabela's pleas for her to fight. But the pain that breathing caused her was making it impossible to concentrate on casting. The Arishok chuckled, and slowly stepped toward her, "Hawke , I was expecting more from you. Do you wish to yield? With your power, you would learn much from the Qun," he reached the injured mage and wrapped a huge hand around her neck, lifting her off the ground. The movement tore at her wound and she screamed again.

"Take your hands off of her!" Cullen roared. He tried to get passed the Qunari guards hoping to be able to take advantage of their distraction with the pirate.

Hawke fought to stay conscious, she could feel the blood sliding down her back. "Cullen?" She asked barely above a whisper.

He didn't hear he as much as felt her. The "Call" they had shared when she was in the circle pricked at his senses. He stopped fighting, "I'm right here, Hawke."

"I-I love you, and I'm sorry."

"No! Hawke, you can still do this! Come on, Little Mage," he panicked. She closed her eyes and he could see the tears streaming down her face. It was over. "I love you, Hawke," he choked on the thought of losing her.

* * *

><p>She let herself go to her pain and waited for the death blow. "What are you doing?" Her father asked.<p>

Hawke's eyes snapped open, she was no longer in the Throne room, but her old home in Lothering. "Papa?"

"You can't give up, Hawke."

"I don't have the strength to keep going," she replied.

"Hawke, I have taught you to survive. You depend on your mind's cache of your spells too much, let it flow from you." He said.

"Papa, just let this be over. Let me stay with you. I don't want to fight to survive, I just want to be free," she begged him, and he just smiled at her.

"It's not your time yet, Pumpkin," He said gently. Hawke nodded, she was being selfish, there was still so much she had left unfinished.

* * *

><p>Suddenly, Hawke felt a surge of power course through her veins. She snapped her eyes open, she was back in the throne room, only a few seconds had passed. She felt the Arishok's hand clench around her throat and his eyes glared down at her. Quickly, she cast a glyph of repulsion, drawing the glyph in the air with her dangling hands. The Arishok had already thought he won, and was not ready for her to attack again. He lost his grip on her and flew back. She landed in a heap on her glyph. When she looked up, the blue in her eyes seemed like it was overflowing into wisps of smoke.<p>

Hawke slowly stood. _Let it flow from you _her father's voice said. Hawke nodded to herself and took a deep breath. She grabbed the air in front of her with both hands and everyone watched in awe as two smoky blue fists grabbed the Arishok. She yelled with the effort and ripped the Qunari leader in half.

The room fell silent in disbelief. One of the Qunari guards issued a harsh command, the horned giants trickled out of the room. The crowd of nobles burst into cheers. Cullen ran to Hawke and caught her as she collapsed from the energy burst. "Did I get him?" she said and slipped into unconsciousness.

Cullen couldn't help but remember when they had been teaching her the Chain Lightning spell, he chuckled and pulled her against him and placed feather kisses all over her face in relief. "Yes, you got him, Little Mage," he said to her even though he knew she couldn't hear.


	19. Chapter 19

Orsino, Meredith and the four remaining templars stormed into the throne room. "They are retreating. Is it over?" The Knight-Captain asked.

Aveline stepped forward, "it's over."

"How?" Meredith looked around and saw Hawke in the templar's arms.

"We don't have time to explain now!" Isabela said nervously hovering over Cullen and Hawke.

"She is going to die if we don't get her to a healer," Fenris added.

"Very well, bring her to the circle and we will get her healing there. While she is at the healers, you all can explain what has happened here." The Knight-Captain turned to leave the room.

"No,"

She came to an abrupt halt and spun around, "No? Knight-Captain, do you have a reason for denying a direct order?"

Cullen stood with his precious burden and Hawke cried out at the movement. The templar winced and slowed his movements down, trying to comfort her. "This woman is not a threat to Kirkwall, Meredith. In fact, she is a hero," a murmur of agreement went through the crowd of nobles. "She resolved the Qunari issue as agreed. Since she has a Handler, she doesn't need to go back to the Circle."

"I decide what needs and does not need to be done with the mages in this City," Meredith growled.

"Well, you have put this mage in my care, she is my charge. I decide what needs and does not need to be done with this one." Cullen retorted. Hawke whimpered. "Don't worry, I am taking you to Anders right now," he whispered to her.

Meredith saw the look in his eyes when the templar looked at the apostate. She glared angrily at him, "I see. Take her to your healer, I expect a full report when she has recovered… or perishes." Cullen nodded and swept past his commanding officer. Hawke's companions followed close behind him.

* * *

><p>The streets were packed with the bodies of the slain and those that survived. News hadn't yet spread of Hawke's battle, making passage easier for the group of friends.<p>

Cullen went to Hawke's estate door, "Aveline, reach into that pouch right there and get her key out," he said gesturing with his chin to which one of Hawke's pouches it was in. She turned the handle for the door when she had it unlocked, and the door still didn't budge.

The Guard-Captain began pounding on the door, "Bodhan! It's Aveline, Hawke is injured and I need to get inside!" She fought with the pleading not in her voice.

They heard rustling on the other side, "Sandal, move that chair, I will get the bookcase." the manservant's muffled voice said.

Cullen smiled at the thought of seeing the dwarves moving all that furniture around to barricade themselves in the estate. After a minute of furniture shifting, the door swung open.

The companion's stepped inside. "Fenris, help Bodhan re-barricade the door. Hawke is a hero to these people and the Kirkwallers might get a little out of hand once they find ," Cullen instructed.

"We might have been safer with the Qunari," Aveline said, nodding in agreement.

"Why are we hiding in Hawke's house? We need to get to Anders, who is in the Undercity," Isabela was so afraid of Hawke dying, she couldn't contain her panic.

Cullen didn't have time to explain, "just trust me." He turned to the manservant as he moved a chair in front of the door," Bodhan, do you know where Hawke keeps the key to the outer cellar door?" The dwarf pulled out a piece of string with the key from around his neck. Aveline took official key duty and took it from Bodhan.

Fenris shifted a bookcase back in front of the door, how they had gotten it out of the den to begin with was beyond Cullen's imagination. "You know the way to Ander's clinic from here, Elf?" Fenris nodded. "Meet us there. The three companions headed to the cellar with their injured leader in tow.

* * *

><p>Darktown was overflowing with people who were trying to escape the onslaught. The clinic was filled to bursting with the injured and their loved ones. Fenris had caught up with the group and he began to forge a path through the panic. The healer was running from patient to patient, casting spells or administrating an herbal remedy.<p>

"Anders!" Cullen yelled over the chaos. The healer looked up from the patient he had begun tending to and he cursed when he saw Hawke, who had begun shivering in Cullen's arms.

Anders gave instructions to one of his aides and pushed his way to Hawke.

An angry murmur ran through the crowd.

"I was here first!"

"My son, he's hurt!"

Aveline stepped forward, "do you know who this woman is?" No one stepped up to claim they did. "She is your savior! She went to one on one combat with the Arishok and won! The Qunari are no longer in control of the city because of this woman! She might be dying from a wound suffered to save you! I know you are all scared, and some of you are injured. But after what Hawke just went through for you, she doesn't deserve to die. She is the Champion of Kirkwall and deserves to be treated as such." The crowd hushed at Aveline's speech, the only thing that broke the silence was the fevered whimpering from the hero.

Anders reached the injured mage and assessed her injuries. "The wound is infected. She may have other injuries that I can't see, but the infection is the one to worry about," he whispered mainly to himself, but the whole room was listening. "Merrill has a nice sleep spell, I need to get her down here."

"She is asleep," Isabela said.

"Not for long, I need to wake her up," the healer replied

"What? Why?" Cullen asked pulling Hawke protectively away from Anders.

"I can't just heal blindly. What if she has a broken bone? Punctured lung?" The physician answered.

"I need her to tell me what hurts and where. First, I need to heal the wound that is causing the fever. Isabela will you go to Merrill's and bring her here?"

The pirate nodded and ran through aisle the people made for her.

"We need to lay her on her stomach. I believe the infected would will be the one on her back," the Knight-Captain said looking around at the packed room. There was not an empty space in the clinic to lay Hawke on.

"If you get me a stool, I can give you this table," a man said. "I twisted my ankle in our flight down here. As long as I am not putting pressure on it, I'm fine."

"Thank you," Cullen said to the man.

Fenris grabbed a stool and Aveline helped the man down onto it.

"It is the least I can do for our champion," the man winced, but there was a gleam in his eyes at being able to help her.

Anders helped the Knight-Captain roll Hawke over and onto the table. Her robes were soaked in blood, "Aveline, go up to Hawke's estate. Get her a robe and a clean sheet," the healer said.

The Guard-Captain was up and down in record time, "I brought some clean rags as well," Anders nodded in appreciation.

He grabbed some shears and cut the fabric to the base of Hawke's spine and pulled it open. The wound was deep and oozing. Anders reached for a basin of water and poured the grim off of the gash. "This is going to hurt, I need you to hold her," he barely gave Fenris and Cullen time to respond before the healer began casting a cleansing spell to weed out the infection. Hawke's screams ripped through the room. She arched and struggled to get out from underneath Ander's touch. "Hold her!" the healer yelled when Hawke almost threw herself off the table.

"We are!" Cullen growled through clenched teeth. Aveline jumped in to add her weight to the men's and between the three of them, they barely held Hawke still for the healer.

* * *

><p>She was dying. Hawke's back burned and she struggled against her tortures. Please just kill me, she wanted to beg. But she wasn't able to fit the words around the screams that tore from her throat.<p>

* * *

><p>"There, that feels like the last of it," Anders wiped the swear from his forehead.<p>

"I thought healers were supposed to soothe their patients," Cullen accused.

"I can't soothe and purge her body of infection at the same time. What would you rather me do? Ease her pain so she can die in peace? Or help her fight for her life?" The healer said matter-of-factly.

"We're here," Isabela said as she and Merrill ran into the clinic.

"Good. Merrill, sleep her. This isn't going to be as bad as what we just did, but Hawke needs the rest."

"Are you

saying that she was conscious through that?" Angry colored Fenris's words.

"On some level, yes. It usually doesn't take that long to cleanse a wound, but Hawke was fighting me." Anders replied coolly.

Merrill stepped forward and began weaving her sleep incantation.

* * *

><p>Finally, her torturers let her go. Hawke felt the certainty of death. She embraced the darkness, and held it close to her like a lover.<p>

* * *

><p>Anders was able to close the wound quickly. All the other patients had been or were being tended to by the healer's aides. But the room didn't get any less packed. The patients here wanted to see what was going to happen to the apostate. Anders took a break from Hawke, for her sake just as much as his, "she may be a mage, but that is all in the mind and her flesh has no magical properties. She will reject the healing if we push it too fast."<p>

A small group of women approached the champion. They all placed their hands on her back, careful to avoid the partially closed wound. Fenris went to pull them back, but came up short when he heard they were praying for the mage. He placed his hand next to theirs and sent his own prayers up for his friend.

* * *

><p>Warmth filled Hawke. She felt safe and content, wherever she was. Someone was looking down on her, but she wasn't able to see who. It didn't matter, she would be alright here.<p>

* * *

><p>"We need to wake her up," Anders said after he finished closing the wound. "Slowly pull your sleep spell off. She needs to wake up on her own. If you just lift the spell after all the stress that has been put on her body, she will go into shock."<p>

Merrill nodded and began to pull the spell.

Hawke felt herself floating up. She struggled to stay where she was, but she had nothing to cling too.

"Easy, Marian, it's time for you to go back," a gentle woman's voice said. Hawke couldn't name the speaker, but something told her she knew this woman. Hawke stopped struggling.

Her eyes fluttered open and everyone in the room let out the breath they had been holding.

"I am alive?" Hawke croaked through her torn throat. Cullen chuckled in relief.

"Yes, through you put up quite a fight." Anders said, bring a jug of water to her lips. She drank it down gratefully. "Hawke, I was able to heal your back. I see your throat is pretty badly bruised." The companions that had seen the fight all remembered the Arishok dangling Hawke in the air with his large hand around her neck. "Are there any other injuries?"

The apostate took a deep breath and winced, "at least one of my ribs is broken," she continued scanning her body for injuries. "And my head is killing me. Other than that, just sore from the fight."

Anders nodded, "Merrill is going to put you back to sleep while I prepare for the work that will need to be done on your ribs." Hawke closed her eyes, it hurt too much to talk any more. The elven mage cast her sleep spell once again, and the injured mage went back to sleep quickly.

Anders quickly went to work on the apostate's ribs, "three of them are broken." He said for the other's benefit. His work was done in a few minutes, and he turned from Hawke to get more water in her injured throat. The jug fell from his hands and shattered on the ground, "Andraste, have mercy," the healer grumbled.

"The sun is setting, maybe you should take a break," Aveline said bending down to help Anders pick up the shards.

"Hawke's major wounds have been dealt with, her head worries me, but that can wait until later tonight," the healer had pushed him self to the limit before the companions had shown up with the injured mage. He needed the rest.


	20. Chapter 20

Aveline and Fenris had gone up to Hawke's estate to sleep. Cullen refused to leave Hawke's side, and thought it might be best if he stayed to keep Merrill company. She had been at the spell for hours and neither of them wanted her to fall asleep.

Anders stepped forward with a tea mixture," Merrill, wake her up," the blood mage assistant gratefully did as she was told.

"What are you doing?" Cullen asked.

"She complained about her head hurting and if Hawke hit that wall as hard as you said she did when the Arishok charged her, she may be suffering from a concussion. If that is the case, we can't let her fall asleep until I repair the damage."

"You have kept her asleep this whole time," the Knight-Captain said confused.

"Merrill's spell is not a fade sleep, and she is getting too tired to keep the spell active for much longer."

"And what will that tea do?

"Rib mending is an overtime spell. She is going to need this for the pain, while her bones heal. It is going to make her a little… loopy, for lack of a better word," Hawke was waking up. "Merrill get some sleep, we will start again in the morning."

The elven mage yawned, "don't you need sleep too?"

Anders smiled, this is my job. I am used to long nights."

She nodded and went into Hawke's estate to get some much needed rest.

"Ready?" The healer asked and Cullen wasn't sure what he was preparing for.

"I guess so," the Knight-captain replied.

It took some persuasion, and a lot of restraining to get Hawke to drink the poultice. She was convinced that her torturers were back. "Why is she acting like this? She was fine a few hours ago." Cullen said, rubbing his hand where Hawke had bit him.

"It is her body fighting the pain she has gone through in such a short amount of time. Her subconscious thinks that we are causing the agony, not her wounds. At least she is getting her strength back," Anders said bringing a candle to Hawke's face and lifting her eyelids to check her pupils. They hadn't been able to check if she had a concussion before administering the medicine because of Hawke's lashing out at them. So, they were in it for the night either way.

"C-Cullen?" Hawke slurred.

He squeezed her hand tightly.

"She does have a concussion. Keep her talking and alert," the healer said. He ran his hands through her hair, feeling for bumps.

"You really had us worried there at the end of your fight with the Arishok, Hawke. We thought you were a goner," Cullen was unsure of what he needed to say.

Hawke giggled drunkenly, "I was a goner. I closed my eyes, and died. When I opened them, Papa was there and we were in Lothering. He told me I had to come back and finish things up.? Oh boy, the Knight-Captian looked past Hawke to Anders, he shrugged his shoulders. Neither of them knew what she was talking about. The drunk mage continued rambling, "you're from Ferelden, aren't you Cullen?"

He couldn't help but smile. "Yes, I am Ferelden."

"He was a templar in the Ferelden Circle," Anders said trying to help her remember.

Hawke gasped , "that's right! You knew Kalian! I have never met her, well, it didn't count. What is she like?" Cullen forgot how to breathe.

Anders found a large goose egg on the back of her head and began to ease it out.

"What do you want to know?" The knight-Captain whispered, not sure how his voice would sound if he said it any louder.

"Hm, was she brave? Stubborn? Pretty?"

After a moment, Cullen replied, "Yes, she was brave. No where near as stubborn as you. Pretty?" He hesitated. "She was a mage in my care."

Hawke burst out laughing, "well, that's not exactly reassuring! I am your charge and that hasn't stopped you from kissing me and stuff."

"And stuff?" Anders cursed when he lost the concentration on his spell.

"Will she remember this conversation?" Cullen asked the healer, ignoring his outburst.

"Yes. She is a little out of it, but her mind is still working like normal, she'll remember." He replied as he prepared to re-weave the spell.

"Did you love her?" Hawke interrupted the grown up talk.

"Yes." Cullen looked Hawke straight in the eyes. He pictured them when they had been overflowing with the power inside her, and shivered.

She narrowed them at him, "well, that is a little tacky, don't you think?"

"Wait, no, love is too strong for how I felt about Kalian. I thought I loved her."

"Why?" Hawke asked.

"Why did I think I loved her?" Hawke bobbed her head and Anders reached around to hold her forehead, so she couldn't answer with any more head gestures. "It was before Uldred had come through and ripped the tower apart. A time in my life when I didn't agree with the way mages were treated, "Anders snorted, Cullen ignored him. "It's one thing, when you are in training, to think of them as people on the edge of becoming power hungry abominations. But in the real world, the mages are people who care and feel just like I do. I saw Kalian every day, I was assigned to her offensive magic class. The mages would have to go one at a time before the enchanters to cast whatever spell they were learning at the time, and most would shuffle up, struggle to cast. Kalian would walk up, head held high, whisper the incantation, and cast in one try. She was in the circle tower, torn from her family, and she took it in stride. Kalian was confident, and it showed. Even her harrowing, I was the templar who was chosen to… to deliver the killing blow if she failed. I was nervous for her. She looked over at me and smiled, as if saying it would be fine. She walked up to the Lyrium pool and entered the fade. No hesitation. It was just another thing that she had to do. A road block that she needed to pass and she didn't let it scare her or intimidate her. She just did." Cullen's eyes glazed over as he thought about his past in Ferelden. "Then, when I was locked in the tower, the last one standing after days of hallucinations, and watching my comrades fall. She came in and I thought that that was it. The blood mages had gotten a hold of my most guarded secret. But she was real, I told her to go up there and kill all of them. After what I had gone through, I would have done it, if I could have. She looked me in the eyes and all she said was no. I yelled and cursed, I don't even know what I said to her. But she replied, 'If there is the chance that one innocent is left alive up there, I will take the risk of letting a Malicarum walk free.' There was nothing I could do, but she saved the circle and none of those survivors turned while I was there. She knew what she wanted to do, and did it."

"Well, if you loved her for her confidence, why did you tell me that you loved me?"

Cullen chuckled, "I do love you. You are confident, Hawke. Maker's Breath, you just took the Arishok on when I tried to tell you not to. But unlike Kalian, I have seen the other side of you. To the public," he gestured to the Kirkwallers who slept on any surface they could find, wanting to see what happened to their champion, "you practically ooze confidence. But it is when you are behind closed doors, unsure if you are doing the right thing or trying to learn how to cast spells to protect yourself better. You let your guard down in those moments, and it's beautiful. I thought I loved Kalian because she was something I wasn't, knowing her place in such an unsure situation. But you. You don't really know what the next day might bring. And you figure it out to push forward anyways, instead of shying away from the unknown. I love it…I love you."

"You aren't the best templar, if you go around falling for all these mages, you know?" Hawke teased.

"It's the Amell thing, you girls just get me," Cullen dodged her kicking foot and laughed.

"Did you and her…?"The Knight-Captain laughed harder, " I don't think she knew how I felt until the end of her time in the circle."

Hawke burst into a fit of giggles, "okay, good, I didn't want to beat my cousin up if she decided to come back for you!"

Ander's coughed, "I heard that she was involved with the king."

Hawke tried to swing her head to look at him, but the healer held it tightly in place, "but I thought King Allistar was married to Anora!"

"Well, when I meet Kalian, she and the King shared quite a kiss."

"Does everyone know my cousin except for me?"

"Well, she is the Hero of Ferelden," Cullen shrugged. He looked over at Anders, "wasn't the King a templar?"

The healer nodded, "until he was conscripted into the Wardens."

The Knight Captain grinned wickedly at Hawke, "You Amell's aren't the best mages, if you go around falling for all these templars, you know? "

"It's the armor thing, you boys just get us," she replied with her crooked smile.

"Her concussion is taken care of, and she needs rest." Anders interrupted their banter.

"Awe, but I don't wanna!" Hawked whined.

"She will have a killer headache on top of everything else if we keep her awake," the healer finished ignored his patient.

"Do you want to go wake Merrill up?" Cullen asked.

"No, she will be falling asleep on her own soon. The tea doesn't last long, and she will be exhausted when it wears out. Just let her sleep."

The Knight-Captain nodded and kissed Hawke gently on the forehead, "get some sleep, girl."

"Hey," she grabbed his hand when he pulled away from her, "I love you too."


	21. Chapter 21

The companions all sat around the Clinic waiting for Hawke to wake up. It was early afternoon, and she still hadn't stirred.

"Are you sure you should have let her go to sleep on her own?" Isabela asked.

"Yes," Anders answered for what seemed like the hundredth time.

"I'm awake, I just don't want to be yet," Hawke startled the room. "I am sure that I have things to do, want to start filling me in?"

The healer couldn't help but grin, "as you wish, fearless leader."

"You don't need to do anything too soon, Hawke," Aveline said.

The healed mage opened her eyes and groaned as she sat up on the table, " you should consider investing in something more comfortable, Anders." She turned her ocean blue eyes to the Guard-Captain, "what good will waiting do? The world doesn't stop when stuff like this happens. It should, but no one asked me."

Fenris stepped forward and started recounting the events after she had lost consciousness. Hawke reached for Cullen's hand when she heard how he had demanded that she be taken to Anders instead of the Circle. The healer stopped poking and prodding Hawke for any more sore spots to look at the Knight-Captain questioningly.

"Those mages at the Circle know Hawke by reputation only. Some respect her, but others resent her freedom. You are the only healer I would trust with her life on the line like that," Cullen replied nonchalantly.

Hawke tried to laugh, but her ribs were still sore from the healing. Hearing her choke on air, the healer turned back to his task. He did everything he could to ease the pain, but there wasn't much more to be done. Anders assisted Hawke from the table, and all eyes were on her expectantly.

"Thank you, Anders," the healer touched her cheek, a sadness in his eyes, then moved off to check the remaining patients.

"What now?" Fenris asked.

"She goes home to rest," Cullen answered.

"She has had enough rest," Hawke retorted. "We have a date with the Knight-Commander, best not to keep her waiting longer than we have to."

* * *

><p>Hawke felt like her old self, but her companions weren't convinced. They slowly made their way to the Docks from Darktown. A large host of the Healer's patients had followed them out, " the Knight-Commander is going to think we are marching an army against her," Fenris said looking back at the crowd.<p>

Hawke winced when she saw Aveline turn to address them, "go easy on them."

The Guard-Captain grinned and it was not reassuring at all, "Spread word that the Champion of Kirkwall survived the aftermath of her battle with the Arishok! We are going to see Meredith to figure out if there is any thing else that needs to be done."

Great, Hawke thought. "Aveline, we don't even know if I am going to be walking out of the Gallows!"

"You are a mage, every single one of your kind is at risk of not coming back from the Gallows. There will be an army of common folk prepared to swim across to rescue you if it comes to that."

"Let's hope you're right," Hawke mumbled as she stepped onto the boat that would take them across.

* * *

><p>"How is the situation not resolved," Hawke countered, pacing the Knight-Commander's office.<p>

Cullen stood beside Aveline and Fenris, a safe distance away from the mage's path. Orsino sat off to the side of the room. He had taken the liberty of asking the Grand Cleric to sit in for the debate. She sat on the other side of the Knight-Commander's office, across from Orsino. Mereidth had not been pleased when she heard that Elthina was to be a part of this decision. She had every right to do so, but it took away from the Knight-Commander's authority.

"The Viscount is dead, apostate. Seamus, the heir to the Viscount seat is dead."

"The Arishok is dead," Hawke finished the list since it seemed like Meredith was not going to.

"The city is claiming her the Champion of Kirkwall," Aveline grinned behind her hand at Elthina's words. "It would cause more problems out there than she would. Especially since all the deaths you are accusing her of, Knight-Commander, were not committed by Hawke. The Arishok however, which is the important one, is this mage's doing."

"She is an apostate, Your Grace! Are you suggesting I let her go?"

"She is the Champion of Kirkwall, Meredith. Are you suggesting a Civil War to keep her?" Orsino stepped in. He was loving this.

"I won't let her leave this building, as Knight Commander I have a duty to the people."

"It I may speak," Cullen stepped forward.

"No, you-" Meredith began to snap.

"Please, Ser Knight," Elthina reprimanded.

"The Knight-Commander allowed Hawke her freedom before as long as she had a templar Handler. I took the oath as a temporary solution, until the Arishok and his Qunari had been taken care of. She is an apostate, and with the public display of the duel, rumors fly fast. Everyone who didn't know, does now. Let me continue my role as Handler over Hawke. Rebel mages and those who are opposed to free mages will see the templar's touch still. It is a win-win situation."

Hawke stopped pacing. Could this work?

"Would you allow this, Knight-Commander?" Elthina voiced the mages thoughts.

Meredith knew that no matter what Hawke, was going to walk away free. This was the only way for her to save face. She wasn't sure how much Cullen had come to care for his charge, but she knew he had some feelings for the apostate. The man had been a victim when the Ferelden Circle fell. Meredith may not like the situation, but she had faith that Cullen would take care of any issues if it came to it. "It seems I have little choice," the Knight-Commander replied bitterly.

A wave of shock filled the room.

"You are free Serrah Hawke, be careful," the Grand Cleric warned, breaking the silence.

"Congratulations, Champion!" Orsino exclaimed with a silly grin. Hawke was paving the way for future mages everywhere.

"I-I can go?" Hawke wanted to make sure she was hearing everything right.

"Quickly, before the Knight-Commander comes up with a reason to change her mind," Elthina stage whispered with a chuckle.

"Thank you," Hawke said as she took measured steps out of the building. It would have looked silly if she dashed to her freedom.

* * *

><p>The docks were filled the people of Kirkwall when they pulled up. The crowd tore the air with a deafening cheer and Hawke grinned, hoping the Knight-Commander could hear them.<p>

"Welcome home, Champion," Cullen whispered in her ear. He stepped off the boat and reached down to help her out. She took his hand and he pulled her against him. He wanted to kiss her, but didn't think it was a good idea to make such a public display.

"Speaking of home," Hawke whispered back as she pulled out of his embrace. She just wanted to be cozy in her bed, with Cullen's hands running through her hair.

"Soon," he promised.

* * *

><p>Not soon enough, the p+eople insisted on celebrating. Hawke was lifted up and taken to the Hanged Man. Everyone bought drinks for everyone, and almost all of them were drunk. Hawke sipped at the drinks bought for her, and smiled. She had been forced to sleep most of the day before, and had been drunk enough last night. She wanted to have some control while she digested the fact that she had gone from a Ferelden apostate to The Champion of Kirkwall over night, and then was granted her freedom, when she had been sure Meredith wasn't going to let her go. She downed her drink. On second thought, she needed it.<p> 


	22. Chapter 22

The champion spent the next several months helping get Kirkwall restored. There were a lot of buildings that needed to be repaired, people to be mourned, and lives to be returned to some semblance of order. They still had a long way to go, but with their Champion and her companions out there helping, the people held onto their hopes for a future. Hawke insisted on working from sunrise to sunset.

After a seemingly endless day in the summer heat, the apostate collapsed exhausted into her bed. "You are going to kill yourself at this rate, Hawke," Cullen said as he sat down next to her. "It feels good. So busy, I don't have to think about Templars, Meredith, or mages." Cullen shook his head, a gleam of admiration for his little mage. "Mindless work. No one's life hangs in the balance," she continued with a content sigh.

The Knight-Captain laughed, she was loving this. "We will restore everything, then run through and destroy it again if that will make you happy," he said lovingly moving a strand of hair out of her face.

She smiled sleepily, "you spoil me." It wasn't much longer before she was breathing the rhythm of sleep. Cullen was tired too, but he felt restless. He laid next to Hawke, staring up at the ceiling, when a soft knock sounded at the door. The Knight-Captain didn't want to wake her unless it was absolutely necessary As quietly as he could, he crawled out of the bed and went to the door to find Bodhan on the otherside. The dwarf was about the explain the intrusion, but Cullen put a finger up, indicating to wait. He gently closed the door, "she's sleeping," he explained.

"I'm sorry to disturb you at such a late hour, but Master Anders is here."

"Can he wait until morning? I would rather not wake Hawke up," the templar replied.

"No need, Cullen. I came to speak with you," Anders said from the bottom of the stairs.

The Knight-Captain walked down to him and gestured towards the Den. "Is everything alright?" Cullen asked awkwardly. He didn't exactly know what he would do if things weren't.

"No," the healer rubbed his eyes, trying to clear his head. "It's about Justice."

"Listen Anders, if this is a confession, stop now. I am not able to do anything for you. Maybe you should be waking Sebastian up."

"Easy Tiger, It's not that bad. Yet."

"Yet?"

"I am losing this fight over control. You are the only templar I can look at without going to battle with Justice."

"I know I am pretty…" Cullen stopped himself, he had been hanging around Hawke too long.

"I'm serious, I am afraid and not exactly for my self. I still thought I had control over this sprit when we had gone into the Gallows. Hawke put herself between me and that mage. I wasn't able to stop him then, I slowed him down and Hawke got a force field up. But now that it has begun to get the upper hand here. I am afraid that she won't have time to counter again."

"No offense, Anders, but maybe you should leave Kirkwall."

"I-I can't."

"You won't. If you do something to her again…"

"You aren't the only one here who has feelings for Hawke," Anders growled before he could stop himself.

"You are potentially going to kill her to satisfy your selfish need to be around her?" Cullen snapped.

The healer came up short. "No, Justice and I are not done here in Kirkwall, and so far our desires coincide with what Hawke has been trying to do. I can't leave because of my selfish need to finish what I have started."

Cullen didn't want to know what that meant. "So, you are warning me, why? Because you love her?"

The possessed mage nodded, "and I don't want her to get hurt, or in trouble."

"Again," Cullen added.

Anders snorted," I will accept a thank you anytime for that. It's the whole reason you are even here. Why she can even love you."

"Now, that isn't fair, she could have loved you. You had three years to make that move, it's no one's fault but your own."

"She is terrified of Justice, not enough to make her stand down to him though. Look, the point of this wasn't to argue over her. If, when, push comes to shove and I lose my self to Justice, I can't hold myself back. If I go after her, will your oath of not taking another mage down still hold?"

"Hawke is my oath. If you threaten her in any way, then I will take you down."

Anders nodded and turned from the templar, "thank you." He walked away from the estate. That had to be enough, the healer thought as he made his way to Darktown.

* * *

><p>Three years after the battle with the Arishok, Kirkwall slowly got itself back on it's feet. The city was beginning to flow again.<p>

* * *

><p>Hawke woke up to the muffled shouts of the First Enchanter.<p>

"What is going on out there?" Cullen growled as he woke up.

The walls of the estate blocked out what was being said, but not the volume of it. All she could make out was: "Blah, blah, Meredith, blah." Hawke sighed and got out of bed to go see.

"Where are you going?" Culllen asked, watching her get dressed.

"Someone has to tell them that the early morning 'Meredith bash' needs to happen in front of the Chantry. I get cranky if I am woken up by rallies."

The two got out there and Meredith had arrived a little before them. "Orsino! You have gone too far," she was saying.

"Why not ask the Champion what she thinks?"

That I should have stayed in bed, Hawke thought. She caught sight of Anders and Fenris. Hawke moved to stand with them.

"The Champion has nothing to do with this. Why are you even here?" the Knight Commander turned, catching sight of her.

Hawke pointed to her house, "live here."

"Admit it Meredith, you are out of control! You refuse to have the Viscount's seat filled because you are the on who makes the decisions without one!" Orsino was on a roll, and wasn't going to let Hawke or Meredith slow him down.

"And every other mage is now tranquil. The courts did nothing before, but without a Viscount, the Knight-Commander doesn't have to jump through any political hoops before performing the Rite of Tranquility," Anders whispered.

"What would you have me do? Things have been so hectic since the Qunari attack. No one has stepped forward to take the Viscount's seat."

"Because you are the opposition! Not one dares go against the Knight-Commander," the First Enchanter countered. "Let the Champion take the seat…"

"Woah, slow down, Orsino," Hawke said before he could finish. She had just gotten used to the idea of being Champion. She had no intention of running the political side of Kirkwall.

"Stop hiding behind the Champion," Meredith took a threatening step towards the man.

"Oh my, what is happening here?" The Grand Cleric stepped through the crowd.

Meredith visibly deflated, she just lost all authority.

"Your grace, I was…"

"That's enough, Orsino."

He bowed his head in obedience. "Hawke , will you and your companions escort these two back to the Gallows?"

No, Hawke thought, but nodded in reply.

"Thank you," Elthina said. The Knight-Commander bowed stiffly and the six of them turned to head towards the Gallows.


	23. Chapter 23

Hawke walked between the Knight-Commander and Orsino. Cullen smiled at the straight line of the apostate's back. She didn't want to be there between the feuding opposites, but her posture and casual pace told a different story to any who looked upon them. And many did, curious to see the Champion walking with the two powers of the Gallows. The Knight-Captain looked at the other companions and saw them admiring the same thing about their leader. They walked to the dock where the ferry landed for passengers to and from the Gallows. "Well, I am sure the two of you can find your way from here," Hawke said as she moved to turn away.

The Knight-Commander grabbed her by the elbow, "I need to speak with you."

Anders and Fenris tensed at seeing Meredith handle their leader in such a way.

Hawke pulled her elbow free and turned to her friends. She gave a slight nod indicating all was well, and stepped onto the boat. Meredith followed close behind and the others squeezed into the small boat.

"You want me to help you hunt Apostates?" Hawke asked incredulously after the Knight-Commander finished. Orsino had excused himself from the group the moment they stepped into Templar Hall. Meredith lead the companions to her office.

The woman templar wasn't sure what Hawke's reaction would be, but she was confident that she would be able to convince the apostate. "Yes."

"No," Hawke replied. Meredith raised an eyebrow and the mage knew the blackmail was coming on. "Make me Tranquil, Knight-Commander. Good luck explaining that to all of Kirkwall and the Grand Cleric. I don't remember ever signing up to be a templar, and I have no intention of doing so."

The apostate turned to walk out and Cullen grabbed her arm. The Knight-Captain was looking at Meredith, "Why not send one of the other Templars?"

"Just because you have a little more authority over one of the many apostates in this city, Captain, does not mean that my reasons need to be explained to you."

"You make a compelling argument, Meredith. But I am still going to have to decline your request," Hawke huffed pulling away from Cullen.

"Weren't you friends with one of the mages here? Ella, I believe her name was." The apostate froze at the Knight-Commander's words. "She is one of the one's who escaped. I have a few templars on this, they will not show mercy."

* * *

><p>"Why would she keep a Tranquil assistant?" Hawke asked, shivering at the fear creeping up her body from seeing Elsa.<p>

"She likes to flaunt what she can do to us," Anders growled.

They walked into the Gallows Courtyard, and Fenris ran into Hawke when she came to an abrupt stop. "S-Seth?" she whispered.

The men looked at one another not sure who Seth was, and they watched the apostate run up to one of the mages in the courtyard. She grabbed the boy's face in both of her hands, and Cullen recognized him as one of the mages Hawke had befriended when she was in the Circle's dining hall. "He talked about you quite a bit, Serrah Hawke," The Knight-Captain's hand flew to his blade at hearing Trevor's voice. The Knight-Lieutenant wasn't paying any attention to his commanding officer. He walked to the apostate and stood right behind her, blocking the companions view of their leader. "We were worried that your time in the circle, short though it had been, influenced the poor boy too much. He and Ella were caught conspiring to escape," Hawke froze. "Ella got away, but Seth turned himself in. We had no choice but to make him Tranquil." She turned her furious gaze to the man. He reached out to her and ran his hand along her cheek, "I have been hoping to see you in the circle soon. When your use has run out for Kirkwall, you will end up just like him. Meredith has already given me permission to be the one who performs the Rite. Are you a screamer, Hawke? The Tranquility process seems very painful" She snapped her teeth at his finger, fighting the urge to cast him into oblivion.

Hawke looked back at Seth when Trevor stepped away from the range of her snapping teeth, "you think you scare me, templar? I destroyed the Arishok with my bare hands, a pathetic fool like you is nothing to me." She moved into the view of her friends. If this turned into a fight, she wanted them to be able to follow her lead. Trevor laughed, "You have quite the estimation of your importance. It all boils down to the fact that you are an apostate. It is just a matter of time." His voice was confidant, but he scanned the group and took a step away from Hawke.

Cullen relaxed his hold on the hilt of his sword, there would be nothing gained from violence. Anders was struggling with Justice. And Fenris was walking slowly towards the man, great sword out and ready for battle. They had all heard the stories of what happened to Hawke while she was in the tower. She moved away from Seth and walked to her companions. She nodded to Fenris, who sheathed his blade when she was safely behind him. Hawke quickly reached the healer and place a hand on his shoulder before he started glowing. He was able to get it under control when he felt the warmth of her hand and the four of them walked to the boat for the docks. Hawke didn't want to give Trevor the pleasure of her looking back, but she couldn't help it. What had she done to Seth? Was Ella safe?

* * *

><p>There were four apostates at large: Huon, Evelina, Emile De Launcet, and Ella.<p>

Elsa, the Tranquil assistant, had been able to give details on the first three, but nothing on Ella. Hawke decided the best plan would be to knock out the three known apostates, and hope they picked something up on her unlikely savior along the way.

They entered the Alienage in Lowtown, and Hawke quickly caught sight of the dress shop the wife of the first apostate worked at as an apprentice. There was one woman at the stand. "Excuse me, I am looking for Huon," Hawke wasn't in the mood for subtlety.

"A-are you a templar?"

The mage bit her tongue on a rude reply, "no, I am Hawke."

"The Champion of Kirkwall? I apologize, I am Huon's wife, Nyssa. Do you have word of him?" She sounded scared, but hopeful.

"Have you?" Cullen asked. He wasn't dressed as a templar, instead he wore armor sporting Hawke's family crest, but he held all the authority of his position in his voice.

"Yes," they had been told she had denied seeing her husband and the Knight-Captain's eyes narrowed. "Templars came and asked about him. I didn't lie, he came to me after they left," she said defensively.

"What did he tell you?" Hawke asked, putting herself between the templar and the scared woman.

Nyssa gave the apostate a grateful look, "he told me that he would come back tonight. That he would take me away. H-he…something was wrong. Huon didn't seem like his old self. I am scared of what he is planning to do tonight."

"Do you want us to be here with you tonight?"

"Would you?" Hawke nodded, "yes, I would like that very much. I just think that he needs help."

"I have a few more things that I need to do today, but I promise to be here as soon as the sun starts to set," the apostate said to the scared woman.

"Thank you, Champion."

* * *

><p>"No wonder you Templar's have such a bad reputation," Hawke said as they entered the Undercity where the second apostate, Evelina, was last seen.<p>

"I could tell that she knew something," Cullen said defensively.

"Well, brow beating her only made her try and keep it to herself," Fenris added.

The Knight-Captain sighed. He had been pretty hard on her, "I just thought that Hawke didn't want to play templar, but I won't step in if that is what you want."

"What I want is for this to be over," the apostate whispered.


	24. Chapter 24

"The first thing Evelina did after we docked here was go to the Circle, to be reinstated. They claimed that she was an apostate who ran away from the Ferelden Circle, instead of a refugee running away from the Blight," Walter, the older of two boys, said to Hawke when she arrived at the wanted mage's house. "The templars came to take her away from us, she was going to go peacefully, but Cricket here bit one," he jerked his thumb at the younger boy, "and the templar didn't like that too much. The goon came after him and Evelina…." he trailed off.

"Changed?" Hawke offered as gently as she could. This mage had turned to demons to protect her surrogate boys from the templars.

"She got pretty angry," he said

"I didn't like it when she was angry," the little boy said clutching at his older brother's leg.

"Where is she?" Anders asked crouching down to the younger one.

He shied away, trying to hide against his brother, "I can't tell you. She will know I told and come after us."

"She is in the sewers," the older one knew what Evelina had become, and that there was no cure for her.

The younger boy gasped, "she is going to get you!" He ran off and the Walter gave chase.

"They are heading for the sewers," Fenris said, tracking their footsteps with his keen elven hearing.

"Lead that way," she said to the elf. He nodded and they moved as quickly as they could.

* * *

><p>"What are you two doing down here?" Hawke asked when they finally caught up with the children.<p>

"We thought that if we told her you were coming, then she wouldn't get mad at us," Walter said.

"There you are," a voice exclaimed from behind the boys. "I have been looking for you." Evelina slowly approached the group.

Hawke moved in front of them, staff in hand, "Evelina, stop, we don't want to hurt you."

"You are Ferelden, no? What do you know of hurt? You sit up in your estates feasting on sweet meats, while your people starve in the Undercity! All I wanted to do was protect these children, and get back into the Circle." There was no reasoning with an abomination, and she didn't give Hawke the chance to even try. The woman's body burst into flames and the demon shed her skin.

Evelina came straight for Hawke and the two boys. The Champion threw a force field up around the three of them. She tried to cast with the barrier up, but she felt the shield waver. She would have to sit this one out, if she wanted to keep the kids alive. Fenris and Cullen jumped behind the abomination that was pounding on the walls of their leaders barrier. They tried to cut her down, or at least draw her attention, but Evelina cast a mind blast sending the warriors flying back. Anders cast from afar, when a shade began to manifest behind him. The three of them weren't going to be able to do this. Hawke dropped the force field from herself, but kept it around Walter and Cricket. She cast Fist of the Maker on Evelina. The boys behind her gasped. Hawke's focus had dropped from the force field and the boys were exposed. She turned to them and a desire demon began to form.

The two warriors reached Hawke and the boys. She grabbed them and drew a glyph of repulsion on the ground. "Stay here," she ordered. They nodded, eyes wide with fear. She went to reach in her mana pool, but remember what her father had told her during her battle with the Arishok. Hawke threw down her Pull of the Abyss moving all the enemies into the middle and quickly cast Chain Lightning. The spells roared with the power exerted and she collapsed to her knees. The others moved to finish what the apostate had started and the battle was soon over.

"Are you alright?" Cricket asked, running to the downed mage.

She nodded and looked around at the carnage.

"S-she just wanted to keep us safe," Walter said. "Why would she do this?"

Cullen stepped forward, "demons press mages to acts of desperation, she…"

"Demons?" Anders interrupted. "Templars press mages to acts of desperation, Cullen. They push us into a corner and we get punished for fighting back. It's not the demons that did this to Evelina!"

Fenris reached down to help Hawke to her feet. "That was not Evelina," she said to the boys. "Remember her how she was."

The boy nodded, "I'll try. What are we supposed to do now?"

Hawke reached into her coin purse and dug out a handful of Sovereigns, "here, take this, and use it wisely. You are going to need to find work. Go to Varric in the Hanged Man, tell him I sent you. If he doesn't have anything for you, come to my estate in Hightown. I am sure my man servant, Bodhan, will have some work for you."

"You are like Evelina, aren't you?" Cricket asked. "What if we trust you and you turn into that?"

The apostate smiled down at the small boy, "You see this man here?" She pointed to Cullen, "he is the Knight-Captain for the templar order. His job is to make sure I stay a good mage."

The boy nodded and walked up to the templar, "if you take her away from us like the other templars took Evelina, I will grow up and haunt you for the rest of your life."

Cullen looked sadly at the poor boy. He had been through so much. He crouched in front of Cricket and took a ring from his small finger, "you are very brave, child. Do you know what this ring stands for?" The child inspected the ring and shook his head. "It is a ring that a templar gets when he takes an oath. This one is dedicated to my duties as the Knight-Captain of Kirkwall." He raised his other hand to show a matching ring, "this one is for the oath to Hawke." He fisted his right hand and laid it over his heart, "I, Knight-Captain Cullen, solemnly swear that I will never do to Hawke what these templars have done to Evelina." The templar reached into his pack and pulled out a piece of twine, he wrapped it around his ring finger, "and this will be my reminder to get a ring for the oath I just made to you."

* * *

><p>The companions headed up to Hightown, the De Launcet's were the last stop on the known apostate list. They were not home much during the day, and Hawke was hoping that they had retired early this night. She wanted to make sure that she got back to Nyssa before Huon got there.. Hawke couldn't stop glancing over at Cullen. He finally stopped walking, "is everything alright?"<p>

"What you did back there for Cricket, did you mean that?"

Cullen raised an eyebrow at her, "you think that I would push you to your breaking point?"

"No, I don't think that, but are you really going to get one of those oath rings?"

"A templar doesn't make empty promises, Little Mage," the Knight-Captain said smiling at her.


	25. Chapter 25

Hawke knocked on the De Launcet's door. A tall pointy nosed man answered, but did not speak. "Um, I'm Hawke, and I am here…" The man stepped aside and an Orlaisian noblewoman greeted her, "my, what an honor it is to have the Champion visit!" The apostate resisted the urge to cringe at the woman's grating voice. "Come in, come in, you can tell me why you are here over a cup of tea." The Comtesse called for a serving girl, but was answered with silence, "I apologize, I can not find a worth while servant in this town."

Hawke recovered from her eardrums momentary revolt and forced a smile for the woman, "no need to apologize. I am actually here to speak with you about your son," the mage looked back to see the man servant had not permitted her friends to accompany her past the entrance hall, she was on her own.

"Emile? What ever for? I talked to the templars the other day and told them everything I know. I haven't seen the boy since he joined the circle."

"Dulci! That is enough,"

"Guillaume, darling!" Hawke gnashed her teeth together, her ears were not going to make it much longer.

"I am sorry Champion, my wife is just trying to be a good mother," he shot the Comtesse a disapproving look. "We saw our son just this morning. We didn't know what to do, Dulci gave him some money to buy passage out of the city. An associate of mine saw Emile wasting that coin in the Hanged Man…"

The noblewoman stood and staggered back, "Oh, he is at that disgusting bar?"

"Please, Champion, help our son," The Comte said as he reached for his wife.

"Is the Comtesse going to be alright?" Hawke asked.

"Dulci? Yes, she just needs to lay down," he took her into the den of their estate, and the man who answered the door escorted the companions out.

Once outside the apostate dabbed at her ears, "are you alright?" Anders concerned voice soothed her throbbing drums.

"Just making sure they weren't bleeding," Hawke replied. The men stared for a moment and then burst into laughter. She smiled, glad that they could still take pleasure in the small things.

* * *

><p>Hawke and the companions walked into the Alienage to see Huon holding his wife against him. She sighed, glad that she wouldn't have to go to the Knight-Commander and admit she was right.<p>

"I smell blood," Fenris whispered.

The wanted elf stepped away from his wife, and she fell lifeless to the ground.

Hawke stared in disbelief. She had promised Nyssa that they would be there to protect her. The Champion never thought that the man would actually harm her.

"That was your wife!" Cullen growled.

"She was too afraid to use all this power within herself. Look at it all," the man held up his hands that were dripping with blood.

So much for Meredith being wrong, she thought. Hawke opened her eyes slowly, drew her weapon, and began to cast. She couldn't find any words to speak.

* * *

><p>"We should call it a night," Fenris walked up to Hawke. She stood over the body of Nyssa, and a single tear ran down her cheek.<p>

"I promised…" She choked on the words and couldn't finish.

Cullen wrapped his arms around her gently, "you shouldn't be the one who is doing this. Meredith should have sent the templars to do it."

Anders snorted, "the Knight-Commander asked us to do this because she wanted to punish Hawke. These mages were doomed to give in and Meredith wanted us to see it. She wanted to prove that she is right."

"Maybe she is," the apostate whispered.

"You don't really believe that?" The healer asked in surprise.

"I am the only mage that I know outside of the Circle that is still on the straight and narrow. Merrill is a blood mage," Hawke said pointing to the elf's house, "you are an infamous apostate on good days, and in a losing battle against becoming an abomination ever other day!"

Anders took a step towards her, "let's get you home, you just need some rest."

"No, we need to go to the Hanged Man…" She pulled away from Cullen and pushed passed the healer. This wasn't over.

Her companions stood in stunned silence as they watched their leader. They looked at each other, then quickly moved to follow the Champion.

* * *

><p>Emile swayed in his seat drunkenly, nursing a cup of wine. Hawke walked into the bar, her companions were still struck dumb at her admission. She quickly took a head count of the people in the bar, at least twelve people in the common room. Twelve people who's lives were in their hands if this mage turned out to be like the others. She cautiously walked over to the mage and his glazed eyes slide over her body.<p>

"A-are you a mage?" He slurred.

"Yes," Hawke said.

"You must be, because you have just magicked my breath away. I am Emile De Launcet, a blood mage. May I ask your name, sweet angel?"

"Hawke," she rubbed her temples. Another blood mage?

"T-the Champion of Kirkwall? Oh, shit, I-I didn't, I am not a blood mage. I just have been telling people that."

"What? Why would you do that? You were raised in the Circle, you know what they do to blood mages," Anders remarked.

"I remember this one from the Gallows," Cullen said to Hawke. "He was very…sheltered."

"You don't understand what it is like in the Circle, I have never felt the rain on my face, have never tasted wine… never kissed a girl," Emile sobered quickly.

"You ran from the tower to…kiss a girl?" Hawke asked, shocked.

"Well, I have read the other things a man could do with a woman…but, I am too nervous to ask any of the ladies here in the bar. I told them that I was a blood mage, because I thought that it would make me seem more…dangerous."

Hawke wasn't sure if she could believe him, she cast a low power shock on the man. He and fell back a step, "what was that for?"

"A wise man once taught me that if a demon were inside of a mage, it would defend itself against attacks." She glanced back at Anders. He was still mulling over the leader's earlier episode, but managed a tight smile. Hawke stepped forward and kissed Emile on the lips in excitement. He blushed and reached around to cradle her rear and she slapped his hand away. "Easy, son!"

Cullen growled in his chest and Hawke started laughing, "don't get all territorial on me. He isn't a bad mage!" She glowed with joy.

The Knight-Captain couldn't help but smile at her, "you don't need to go handing kisses out to the good mages."

"If I'd have known that was the reward for mages that didn't turn to temptations, I would not be in the position I am in right now," Anders whispered so only the companions could hear. Cullen rounded on him, "kidding," the healer thrust his hands in front of himself defensively.

"Emile, let's get you back to the circle, you aren't ready for the real world, yet," Hawke winked at the man who was still blushing.

They arrived at the dock where the Gallows boat sat. There was a templar on duty, instead of the usual ferryman. The Gallows didn't allow visitors. The templar guard raised his hand to inform them of it, but stopped when he saw the Knight-Captain. "We have business with the Knight-Commander," the man stepped aside and the six of them piled onto the boat.

Cullen sent Emile to his quarters while they cleaned the mess up. Meredith stood next to her window that overlooked the Courtyard when the group of friends arrived. The door had been open, so the four of them let themselves into the office. "Well?" Meredith asked

"Evelina and Huon are dead, but Emile has willingly returned," Cullen took the initiative.

"What of the fourth mage?" Meredith asked.

"Ella," Hawke said.

"Excuse me?"

"The fourth mage's name is Ella."

"Irrelevant, any news on where she is?"

The apostate shook her head, wishing that she did.

"I will send my templars to see if they can dig up anything else on her. I will deal with Emile in the morning, that will be all." the Knight-Commander said to the window.

"No,"

"Champion, you have no power here."

"He is not a threat, Meredith, he escaped because he was curious about the outside world," she wasn't about to tell the Knight-Commander about the kiss scene.

"There are rumors that he is a dangerous blood mage!" The female templar retorted, turning to the apostate.

"He is naïve, if that is a danger, then yes. Other than that he is not a problem," Meredith nodded at Hawke's words.

"That is what the Comte de Launcet said. . . If he proves to be harmless in the days to come, I will spare him," the apostate's eyes widened in surprise. "Despite popular belief, apostate, I am not interested in mass tranquilization. I am just trying to protect the people of Kirkwall against the threat of these mages."

" 'these mages' are only a threat because your templars push them to that," Anders snapped. "Evelina would still be able to care for the children she brought here if she hadn't been backed into a corner and forced to defend them. Huon would never have turned to blood magic, if you hadn't torn him away from his wife!" Hawke stepped in front of the healer with her back to him. He struggled with Justice, but was able to keep himself in check.

"I don't deal in hypothetical situations, mage," Meredith spat. "I deal in cold hard facts, when no one else seems willing to do so!"

"What facts did you have that made Seth a threat?" Hawke asked coolly. The Knight-Commander wasn't trying to make Thedas a better place. She was taking a problem and making it worse. Mages were being turned Tranquil left and right. It was no wonder the mages were so hostile. Hawke mentally slapped herself, how could she have thought this crazy woman was right!

"The fact that you had poisoned his mind. He would have never been so bold if he hadn't met you," the Knight-Commander growled.

"You deal in theories, Meredith," the apostate said barely above a whisper, trying to contain her anger. She turned from the office and walked out of the Gallows.

* * *

><p>Hawke sat heavily on her bed, and Cullen pulled his chair over to her. "Talk to me," he whispered.<p>

She put her elbows on her knees and rested her chin in her hands, "I just don't know. Maybe I am the odd man out. How do these mages expect to earn their freedom if they keep going down the demon road? I have been an apostate my whole life, fought quite a few templars, and things worse than that. Am I a blood mage? No. Am I an abomination? No."

"Why aren't you?" The Knight-Captain asked. "How have you lasted so long without giving into the temptation?"

"I know it for what it is, a trap. At first, my father taught me about the dangers of the demons, and I was just scared. Then, my sister and brother were born, and Bethany was a mage. I didn't give in when things got tough because I was the mage she looked up to. After father died, I was in charge of my family. They needed me," she smiled weakly.

"You are very strong, Hawke."

"I don't want to have to be strong anymore," she whispered. "I am not saying that I want to give in, I have come to far. It is just a lot of work being the person people look up to. Why can't they just hold on to themselves?"

"These mages that come to the tower are taken from their families, and the Dalish elves that show signs of magic are destined to be Keepers. If their clan already has an apprentice Keeper, they are taken to another one that doesn't. Without a family, they have nothing to fight for but themselves."

Hawke looked up at Cullen, "then it is the templar's fault for taking the mages away."

The Knight-Captain hadn't meant that, but when he thought about it she had a point. He looked back at her, staring into her deep blue eyes, "maybe."


	26. Chapter 26

Cullen woke to find he was alone. He scrambled to get his wits about him and made his way to the bedroom door. Hawke's voice floated up the stairs from the den, so he made his way down the stairs. The Knight-Captain stopped when he heard Anders reply to whatever Hawke had said. "How do you figure that? You think Cullen would let you go with me any where alone? He has been babysitting you since the Arishok, you aren't ever going anywhere without his presence again." Anders realized he overstepped, "I am not asking you to kill the man. I have already found the ingredients I need to make the potion to separate me and Justice. I just need you to come with me to the Chantry and distract the Grand Cleric while I finish the ritual."

"Oh, is that all? Deceive Cullen, let you do some Tevinter ritual that you won't even give me all the details on, in the Chantry, no less, andput b oth of us at risk of being made tranquil! What could go wrong?" she spat back.

"We breathe the same air as non-mages, Hawke; we are always at the risk of being made Tranquil. I promise you, I have done extensive research on this potion, and it won't involve any blood magic. And Cullen can't save you. There is only one way this can be resolved. I can't do this without you, if I could, I wouldn't even be here."

"Why? What do I need to do that is so important?"

"I-I'm scared, Hawke. I guess that sounds silly, but with you things don't seem to go as badly as they should. Please?"

The knight-captain decided now was the time to cut in. Hawke didn't need to get involved with this, and it would only get her killed. He raised his fist to knock on the door to announce his presence, "How do you expect me to sneak away from him? You've said it yourself; he has taken an oath to keep me under constant surveillance, Anders." Cullen came up short.

"He loves you, Hawke. There is no way any templar would have been able to get this close if you didn't love him too. You are the only person who would know what to say. Tell him you are going to get a jug of milk, if that is what will do it. Lie to him, make him believe it." the healer paused, "Thank you."

Cullen couldn't see it, but Hawke must have given some indication that she would do as Anders asked.

* * *

><p>Hawke watched Anders leave through the cellar to get back to his clinic. She moved to stand closer to the fire, suddenly cold.<p>

She felt the pull of Cullen's presence before she saw him and slowly turned, "sleep well?" She asked half heartedly.

The knight-captain was not interested in playing along, "talk to me."

He had used the exact phrase last night, but then it was loving and concerned, when now it was almost a command. She shuddered, "about?" Hawke wanted to tell him, but she wasn't willing to betray her friend's trust.

"I thought I heard you talking to someone," Hawke paled slightly, and Cullen wondered if he would have noticed had he not known better.

"I was talking to Anders," she replied.

His eyes widened. She was going to tell him after all? Cullen didn't say anything; waiting for Hawke to tell him what he had heard was all an act. She didn't offer any more information. "What are the plans for today?" He asked after a few moments of hopeful silence.

"I need to go to the Chantry. Everything lately has been so bizarre and I wanted to get a blessing from the Grand Cleric."

Cullen struggled to keep his voice smooth, "we will go right now if you'd like."

Hawke looked away for a moment, the only indication that she was lying, "I need to do this by myself."

"You know I can't do that," he replied slowly.

She walked up to him and pressed her body against his. "I have been a good little mage, haven't I?" she whispered against his lips.

He closed his eyes, and allowed himself to get lost in the feel of her. He should have never fallen in love with his charge. "Don't do this, Hawke," he whispered as he cupped her chin, forcing her to look up at him.

She stiffened for a moment, then pulled away from him, "he is my friend."

"And I mean less than that?"

"You are a Templar, Cullen!"

"And what? Since Anders is a fellow Mage he gets picked over me? If that is what this is about then I wish you would have told me before I went against my team! Do I get no points in your little game for loving you? For you loving me? "Hawke flinched.

"This isn't about Anders being a mage, Cullen. He was right; I will never be able to do anything without you in my shadow. I need space. I need to be able to do things knowing that the choices I make aren't always going to be judged on a templar level."

"You are not only an apostate, Hawke, you are a known apostate! You will always be 'judged on a templar level'!"

Hawke rubbed her eyes with her thumb and forefinger, "look, I am not sure what Anders is going to do either. I was just going to try and talk him out of it, but since you are in on the secret now, maybe you can help."

"This is how our conversation should have started anyways," Cullen grumbled.

Hawke ignored him, "I am supposed to send you on some bogus errand, but you should go to the Hanged Man."

"And what? Order a round?"

"No, Sebastian plays cards with Isabela in the morning before he starts his duties at the Chantry. Tell him that we are coming and to keep an eye out for anything suspicious."

"When are you supposed to meet Anders?"

"In about an hour," Hawke replied.

The Knight-Captain bent down and kissed her lightly. "Please, don't ever go through with something like this on your own. I don't follow you around because I have to, Hawke. I stay by your side because I love you."

She looked up at him, "I love you too, and I'm sorry."

He ran his hands through her hair, then turned and left the estate.

She waited to hear the exterior door close, and quickly headed down into the cellar. Well, at least she didn't have to think of a way to get around Cullen. She practically ran into the clinic, and thankfully Anders wasn't busy with a patient. He saw her enter and smiled.

"That was quick," he could barely control his glee.

"Yeah, it was easy," she couldn't believe she was doing this. "Look, he knows what is going on. I just sent him to the Hanged Man, and told him that Sebastian was there playing cards with Isabela. And Cullen is going to warn him."

"Is Sebastian at the Hanged Man?" Anders asked in alarm.

"I think so; we need to go if you want to do this before they find out."

"Maker's Breath, Hawke!" the healer said as he rushed passed her into the Cellar. They would have to go through her house if they wanted to make it on time.

* * *

><p>"This is it? You make this concoction, say a prayer or whatever to the Maker and boom, Justice goes back to the fade and you are free?"<p>

She caught the look that crossed Anders face but didn't have time to place it before he rearranged his features.

"Yeah, 'boom'. Then everything Justice and I have been trying to accomplish will be complete, and we will be free."

Hawke sighed; she had a bad feeling about this. "Let's just get this over with."

Anders nodded, "before Cullen gets back from the errand you sent him on."

* * *

><p>Cullen found Sebastian at the bar, "What, are you sure?"<p>

The Templar nodded, "you need to get back. Hawke said that they would be heading there in an hour, and that was about 20 minutes ago,"

The Priest nodded, "are you heading back up to Hightown?"

"Yeah, just came down to deliver the message, " The Knight-Captain replied.

"Let's go to the Clinic first. Catch him before they leave. I want to have a word with that damned abomination."

"I didn't tell Hawke because she would have been upset, but you read my mind."

* * *

><p>"Just distract the Grand Cleric, I will find you when I am done," Anders reminded Hawke as they walked into the Chantry.<p>

The apostate nodded, "hurry," she whispered and headed to the altar where Elthina stood. Hawke didn't look to see which direction her companion went, she didn't really want to know.

* * *

><p>"Where is the Healer?" Sebastian asked when they entered the Clinic. No one answered, they didn't recognize the man.<p>

Cullen stepped forward through the door way and stopped on of the apprentices that he recognized from when Hawke had been injured. "I need Anders, Hawke has been hurt." He thought that if they weren't willing to answer to the two men, they would feel compelled to act if their champion was in danger.

"Well, if that is the case, then it's a good thing that he left with her," the woman replied hotly.

The Knight-Captain froze, "When did they leave?"

* * *

><p>"Champion? Have you come for a blessing?" Normally, Hawke would have accepted the offer, but something made her feel wrong receiving one considering she didn't know what Anders was doing. "No thank you, your Grace. I-I don't know why I am here."<p>

"You are seeking peace, child?"

"More than you know," Hawke whispered.

Elthina nodded and placed a hand on the apostate's shoulder. "The Maker works in mysterious ways, Hawke. Just stay strong, 'blessed are they who stand before the corrupt and he wicked and do not falter...'"

"'Blessed are the peacekeepers, the champions of the just'," Hawke finished.

"There you are. I have been looking all over for you!" Anders exclaimed as he walked up the steps to the altar.

"No matter what happens, Champion, the Maker's hand guides it," Elthina said and she moved away from the two mages.

"Ready?" the healer asked when Hawke didn't make a move to leave.

She shook herself and looked up at him, "yeah."

They walked out of the Chantry and right into Sebastian and Cullen.


End file.
